Surrogacy Journals

My Journey Through Surrogacy
by: Jenn

Round 2

Time passed...slooooooowly. It seemed to take forever, but, we were finally ready to try another cycle in early February. This time, we did not use the lupron. I just started estrogen when I started my cycle and when my lining was ready, I began the progesterone injections. Again, we transferred 3 embryos, although the quality was not quite as high, this time. Bev was unable to come for the transfer, this time. She wanted to save her vacation days for OB visits, once we were finally pg. When she called, I could tell that she was a little unhappy about the embryo quality and our chances of achieving success. I tried to cheer her up by telling her about other surrogates who became pg under far-from-perfect circumstances. I think it helped a little.

One the 8th day, I took a home pregnancy test. It was a *very* faint positive, but, positive, nonetheless!!! I was ecstatic! I called Scott and Bev and told them. The next morning, I did another test with them on the phone. Again, very faint positive! Bev was SO excited! She was screaming and crying and thanking me! It was such an awesome moment!!! We convinced our dr. to do a blood test a day early...10 days after the transfer. It came back positive, but, the HCG count was very low, only 25. The dr. said that it was still early and that it would probably be ok, as long as it doubled every couple of days. My couple was over the moon!! I was happy too, but, I was a little more cautious, deciding that it would be safer to wait until the 2nd test before getting too excited.

Two days later, I went for another blood test. The nurse marked the test "stat" and said it would only take about 30 minutes so I waited there for the results. A while later, the doctor called me into his office and told me they had my results. "It's not good", he said. Oh, no! He told me that, instead of going up, my HCG count had fallen to 12. We were losing the baby. I broke down and cried. It was so sad! Why did this happen? For these past few days, Scott and Bev had been happier than they had *ever* been. Their dream was finally coming true. And now, all of the sudden, it was snatched away from them. It seemed so cruel and unfair! After all that they had been through, why did this have to happen to them? They didn't deserve this! I felt like such a failure. All I ever wanted to do was to help them have a family and, instead, all I seemed to be doing was causing them more pain. It was a very emotional couple of days. Bev and I talked and cried together over the phone. Before long, she was gearing up for the next transfer! Amazing, isn't she? I, on the other hand, began to question whether or not I was cut out for this. Perhaps my body didn't know how to do this any more? Besides, this was turning out to be *a lot* harder than I had ever anticipated. How much more could I take? It didn't take me long to realize that I had 2 very special people depending on me. They still had confidence in me and in my ability to get pregnant. As long as they were not giving up on me, I would not give up on them (or myself) either. So, we preservered and began preparing for our next try.
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