I am a former Intended Parent (IP) who had the good fortune to work with the most wonderful Surrogate Mother (SM). Thanks to her we have a beautiful 15 month old daughter and a second daughter due in September. With that said I would like to share something with you all that I found very important during our surrogacy.

Whether you are a SM or IP honesty and trust are two of the most important issues when you have a surrogacy arrangement. If you do not communicate with each other, or do not communicate effectively you can not have trust. Misunderstandings can grow into distrust and feeling of disloyalty. Fortunately for us, SM and I have never had a problem being open with each other. I believe that is one of the reasons our surrogacy arrangement worked so well.

What needs to be kept in mind is that everyone shows their emotions differently. Me I am wide open and all out there. However, I have a friend who gets quieter the more excited she gets. If you are concerned about your SM or IP's reactions to things tell them, don't keep your questions to yourself. If you can not effectively communicate for what ever reason get a non-biased third party to help you sort things out.

Surrogacy is a wonderful thing, I know because it has provided me with two beautiful children and an extended family for life. Please do not let misunderstandings or half truths mar the miracle of surrogacy. It is stories like Baby M that make surrogacy so difficult for everyone. Please don't let another Baby M story set us back. Try not to come to any conclusions based on what you read from any one source. Remember that for the most part only one side of a story is being told and there are always two sides to every story. When both sides of are heard it can usually change the picture drastically. What once sounded like a nightmare can in fact end up being a minor misunderstanding that was blown out of proportion and then grew. These misunderstandings are usually the result of poor communication.

I know that there are some IP's out there who are less then perfect. Some want too much control, some don't want to spend any money, and some only want to be involved in a business relationship with their SM. I also know that there are some less than perfect SMs out there. Ones who demand more money after they become pregnant, ones who tell you (and other couples simultaneously) they are pregnant with your child when they are not, and even one who declared she would keep the child if the IPs didn't give her an extra $5000.00 the day they were to leave the hospital. My point is that there are good and bad in both groups and we have to be very careful who we believe until we hear the whole story.

Remember if a story sound fantastic it usually is!