Several months ago, I received a letter from my grandfather. He was worried about me becoming a gestational surrogate and the effect it would have on my life and my family, so he expressed his concern the only way he felt comfortable with, in a letter. He told me that he thought I was making a mistake by becoming a surrogate and in his kind and gentle way, asked me think it through VERY carefully before proceeding. (Of course, I had thought about it very carefully for years before moving forward, but, at the time, he wasn't aware of that that!) Grandpa assured me that he would always support me, no matter what, but, he felt the need to share his concern. His biggest concern was how difficult it would be for me to give away *my* child. "My child???" I thought! He didn't understand!!! I knew right then and there that, to ease his mind, I had to educate him about the process and explain to him my reasons for becoming a surrogate in the first place.

The following is my reply to Grandpa's letter. I chose to share it with you because it has not only helped him get a better understanding of the technical aspect of gestational surrogacy, but, it has also helped him to understand why we surrogates do what we do! I hope that it will help others understand, as well.

Dear Grandpa,

First, I want to thank you for your love and concern. I know that the thoughts and feelings expressed in your letter came straight from your heart and I appreciate you taking the time to share them with me.

Now, I would like to share with you some of the reasons why I want to become a surrogate mother. Before I do that, though, I need to explain a few things about the surrogacy process. There are 2 types of surrogacy, gestational and traditional. Traditional is where the baby is conceived through artificial insemination and is genetically related to the surrogate and the intended father. Gestational is where the baby is conceived through in vitro fertilization. The baby is created from the intended father's sperm and the intended mother's egg in vitro and then transferred into the gestational surrogate (or carrier). The surrogate is in not genetically related to the baby at all. She is just carrying the baby for 9 months because the intended mother, although able to conceive, is unable to carry a pregnancy. I will be a gestational carrier.

I would like to tell you first about my couple. Their names are Scott and Bev. She is 36 and he is 37. They have been trying to have a baby for 4 years. They have gone through in vitro fertilization (IVF) 7 times and she has never been pregnant. Bev is infertile because her mother took DES when she was pregnant with her. DES was given to many women years ago to prevent miscarriage. Unfortunately, women whose mothers took DES during pregnancy (DES daughters) have many female health problems which are likely to cause infertility.

In the past, when Scott and Bev have done IVF, they were told that the embryos which they created were *perfect*, but, because of her DES exposure and her small, misshapen uterus, she has never been able to become pregnant. Even if she did become pregnant, the likelyhood of her carrying a baby to term is slim because her uterus is so small.

Now, let me tell you a little more about them, personally. He owns his own business and she is a secretary. They are both strong Christians and they, like I, believe that the Lord has brought us together. Despite the heartache they must have felt month after month when they realized another IVF cycle failed, they are not bitter about it at all. Instead, they believe that God has another plan for them. They, and I, believe that plan is to transfer the frozen embryos which they have left from their last IVF cycle into a healthy woman with proven fertility, who wants to help them acheive their dream of becoming parents. That is where I come into the picture.

I love my children with all my heart and I can't imagine, even for a minute, what it must be like to want children so badly and not be able to have them. Can you imagine how painful it must be to try for a baby, month after month and year after year, with no success at all? My heart just breaks for them because I know they have been through so much! I want to help them finally hear the news of a positive pregnancy test...listen to their baby's heartbeat...see the image of their baby for the first time in a sonogram and know that their dream is becoming a reality. I want to see their faces light up with joy as they look into the eyes of their newborn for the very first time. I want to make the dream of having a child come true for them. They are wonderful people and they deserve to be parents just as much, if not more than anyone I know. In my heart, I know that the child that I carry for Scott and Bev will be forever loved, appreciated, and cherished because he/she was so wanted, planned for, and dreamed about! This is going to be one lucky child!

The decision to become a surrogate was not one that I made lightly or quickly. I have been thinking about and researching surrogacy for over 3 years and I searched for a couple to help for almost a year before finding Scott and Bev. I talked to many couples in that time, but, I waited until I found the right one. Scott and Bev both get along great with me, Joey and the kids. They have the same views on the important issues as we do, such as being against abortion and selective reduction. We are already becoming good friends and hope to remain friends even after the birth of their baby.

As I go into this, I know that the baby I will carry is theirs. I am doing this for them, to give them a baby. I am also doing this for the rewarding experience of washing away the pain of a loving, Christian couple and making their dream come true. Lastly, I am doing this for the bond of friendship and love that I know we will always have for one another. I can't say that I will not love the baby that I carry, but, I do not think that I will love him/her like I love my own children. I will take good care of him/her while he/she is in my care, just as I would any child who was in my care, but, I do not think that I will bond with him/her. I believe my bond will be more with his/her parents, Scott and Bev, because they are the reason I am doing this.

Scott and Bev already have frozen embryos from previous IVF cycles. Bev cannot carry them and if someone else does not try to carry them for her, they will have no chance to grow and develop and live. We will transfer the embryos into me and, if I become pregnant, I will care for the baby for the 9 months that Bev cannot. After those 9 months, Scott and Bev will raise the child because they are the Mommy and Daddy.

I view myself as sort of a babysitter, but, it is really so much more special than that. If I don't give these babies a chance at life, they will never have one. I have prayed about this alot and I feel like God has led me to Scott and Bev to carry their child for them. I also feel like no one is ever born by mistake. God always has the biggest hand in creating a new life and if it is not in His will, it will not happen. We will do all that we can, physically, to make this happen, but, we all know that a child is a miracle touched by God and our success or failure is truly in His hands.

I guess that is all I wanted to tell you, Grandpa. I just hope that it gives you a better understanding (1) of my reasons for wanting to become a surrogate and (2) about the special couple who I will be helping. If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask.

Love,
Jenn