One of the first and most important decisions you will have to make when you begin the surrogacy process is whether you want to work with an agency or pursue an independent arrangement. This is an individual choice and may be based on numerous factors, the most common being finances. Some couples simply cannot afford or do not want to pay for the added expense of the agency's fees. Likewise, most surrogates who choose to go independent do so because they feel that it is another way for them to help their couple, by saving them money. If you have decided to pursue an independent arrangement, you could probably list several reasons for your choice.

However, the purpose of this article is not to compare agency arrangements vs. independent arrangements. It is simply to offer a few helpful suggestions and words of wisdom to those of you who have chosen to go independent. Many couples and surrogates have successfully arranged their own surrogacies without the assistance of an agency. It CAN be done!!! However, if you choose this path, you should be aware of the potential pitfalls and be willing to work a little harder in order to avoid them.

Don't Rush In - Find The Right Match For You

When a person decides to pursue surrogacy, it is perfectly natural for them to be excited and to want to get started right away. Before you jump right in and begin the process, however, you must find the right person or couple to work with. Choosing who you will work with will be the hardest, most important decision you make throughout the process. In an independent arrangement, it may be even tougher. Someone is not going to come in and say, "Here are all the surrogates/couples who fit your criteria. Which one do you want?". There is alot more involved when you are pursuing an independent arrangement. You have to be willing to do the legwork yourself and it is going to take some time. Be patient! Don't rush into an arrangement with someone who you are not compatible with or you can't trust. Sadly, it is hard to know who you can trust these days, so Please be cautious! Check references and take it slow. Make sure that you are in agreement on the major issues pertaining to surrogacy. Some important factors you should discuss with your prospect are ...

• Reasons for pursuing surrogacy
• Desired timeframe for starting/completing the surrogacy
• Family's feelings about surrogacy
• Type of surrogacy (AI or gestational)
• Feelings about abortion
• Feelings about selective reduction
• Feelings about multiple births
• Number of cycles you would be willing to attempt
• Surrogate's fees and expenses
• Insurance (medical and life)
• Amount of contact desired

If you agree on the issues above and any other issues that are important to you, then take the next step and move on to the psychological evaluation. If all goes well, proceed to the medical examination. If the medical examination goes well and you feel you are compatible with and can trust your prospect, you have probably found your "perfect match"!!!

Set High Standards

One of the most important things you can do in your effort towards a successful surrogacy arrangement is to set your standards high! When you are using an agency, you know that everyone involved has met the physical and psychological standards that the agency sets out. Just because you are pursuing an independent arrangement doesn't mean you should lower these standards. Any surrogacy, whether arranged by an agency or independently, should involve legal, medical and psychological professionals to help guide all parties through the process. If you settle for less, everyone suffers and the potential for disaster grows.

Psychological

A psychologist or counsellor, preferably with experience in surrogacy arrangements, should meet with everyone involved before the contract is signed to insure that they are all prepared for and can deal with the stresses that may arise in a surrogacy relationship. This is a vital step in protecting the intended parents as well as the surrogate and her partner. Hopefully, it will assure everyone that a good match has been made.

If a disagreement should arise at some time during the surrogacy process and it becomes necessary to involve a neutral third party as a mediator, your counsellor may serve as such. In addition, a counsellor should be available to the surrogate throughout the pregnancy as well as after the delivery should she need someone to talk to.

Medical

Both of the intended parents and the surrogate and her partner should have disease testing (including HIV) before signing the contract and especially before beginning the medical procedures. The surrogate should also be examined by a medical professional who can verify her ability to become pregnant successfully and carry the child to term.

Legal

Both parties should be represented by legal counsel who can explain the details of the contract to them and help them address any concerns they may have pertaining to the contract. A third party, perhaps one of the above legal counsellors, should handle the escrow account containing the surrogate's fees and dispense them as appropriate according to the guidelines agreed upon in the contract. This allows the couple and their surrogate to focus on the personal, medical and emotional aspects of their relationship rather than concern themselves with money issues.

Regardless of whether you choose to use an agency or pursue an independent arrangement, surrogacy is an extremely complex process. The relationship is intense and can be stressful at times. At times, the whole process may seem a bit overwhelming and without end. Don't worry....there is a light at the end of the tunnel! With patience, preserverence, and a helping hand when you need one, surrogacy really can work! Best of luck all of you in your search for the "perfect match" and a successful surrogacy relationship!!!