I thought I knew what to expect. Choose an agency, meet a couple, get pregnant with their baby, deliver easily and live happily ever after. I was wrong! I could have NEVER, in my wildest imagination have convinced myself in the beginning of this journey that there would be times that I would question my sanity or my reasoning for why I got myself and my family into this. I thought that my motives were clear, I was 25 years old and my husband and I had decided that our family was complete so why not help someone else? It seemed simple enough. Yet, after 50 shots, 1500 miles on the car going to the doctor and a few sleepless nights, I found myself on the other end of the phone hearing "I am sorry, your count is less than five, the test is negative." I was devastated! I sat in the bathroom for hours crying and wondering what I had done? It must have been me because the doctor said that it was a perfect transfer and to expect the possibility of twins! Now this, what will I tell my IM? Will she believe that I did do what I was told? I did all my shots, I stayed in the bed as ordered and I followed the instructions to a tee. I remember telling John, my husband, that I could NOT do it again, I didn't care what I had agreed to in the contract, I could not go through the disappointment again. Well, needless to say, in two weeks I started the lupron again with a renewed determination that we would get pregnant and the IP's would be parents (as if I had complete control this time).

For the second transfer, we again used five embryos, and again heard the words "this is a perfect transfer, the embryo's are beautiful." So on day ten, I went in for the blood test and waited (for what seemed like forever) for the results. I called at 2:00pm as instructed only to hear, "yes, we have the results, it is negative! That was it, it HAD to be a mistake!! So I replied in my most reserved voice, are you sure? She said what is your social security number again, and after what seemed like an eternity she got back on the phone and said "I am so sorry, it is positive"! As if by my sheer will, the test had changed it's mind and was afraid of being negative. We did it! We were on our way.

We went in for the second test which showed that my levels were rising and then on to the first ultrasound where we saw one sac. I was rather disappointed again because I knew they wanted twins. They were, however, thrilled that there was at least one on the way. Our due date, December 18,1996.

The rest of the pregnancy was fairly uneventful. One small scare where I was having pre-term contractions at 34 weeks. My IM insisted on flying out to be with us for the weekend and my doctor appointment on that Monday. Then there was the constant fear toward the end that the baby would get here before the IP's could. But, at 39 weeks, we were ready for the induction.

My husband drove me and the kids to their hotel where the soon to be new parents were anxiously awaiting us. The babysitter was waiting for my boys in the room. So we were off. My picotin drip was started at 8:30 AM and after not much progress, my water was broke at 12 noon. By 1:00 I WANTED that epidural and got it quickly. When the time came for the birth, my husband said to the father "come here dad, you only get one chance to see your son be born". So at 2:27, after only 10 minutes of pushing, the baby (a boy) was born into his parents arms. At 7pounds and 3 ounces, 21 inches, he was the epitome of a healthy baby. They left him in the room with us for two hours. During that time I got to personally see the parents bond with and adore their new son. I felt at such peace within myself and a very strong sense of accomplishment. They went to the nursery and I went my room while my husband went to get the kids. In that dark, peaceful room I knew that however long the journey had been, no matter how frustrating and upsetting at times it got, in that single moment of silence, it had been more than worth it.

It has been four months since the birth. Although we still talk once a week, I can feel our relationship changing. The calls are less often and shorter. The distance has began. Yet, even if we just talk once a year on the anniversary of his birth, I will never regret my choice to help them complete their family. It is still amazing to me how two strangers and their families can come together for the love of a child and family and through a journey of love, respect and laughter change each others lives forever.

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