Would this be considered red flags???

[babydust]

We are recently matched and some things that have been discussed lately concern me. For instance, she came across the idea of surrogacy while looking for a job. It was never discussed that she wanted to help a family to achieve pregnancy. It sounds like money is the main motivation and I don't want a business relationship. And it was mentioned that she has had a few offers from other people offering alot more money $35-$50k. I'm not sure if I have a reason to feel uneasy and wanted to get others opinions.

[4rugrats]

I think if you are questioning if they are red flags then they are red flags for you.

I would never ever throw it in my IP's faces that I had been offered a higher comp.

[TXmommyof2]

This would bother me. Why would she tell you what other IP's were offering? Seems like she wants to try and play bidding war on her uterus to me. I would personally walk away from that altogether.

[RobsChica]

Long post short, if it bothers you now it will bother you later and THAT is a red flag. Opinions on normal, correct or usual are immaterial. Walk away from the obstacle if it is not the relationship you want. I say this from painful experience.

[Newtothis]

Compensation should not be thrown in your face or used as a comparasion. Plus a surro should be financially secure outside of surrogacy, not depending on it for income.

[cyanjennifer]

What was the point of mentioning the higher offers?? Weird thing to add to conversation. Good luck with this situation.

[twinkiesmom]

I agree w/ the others. Anything that makes you uncomfortable should be considered a red flag. It is worth taking the time to find the right SM so that your journey (w/ all its possible ups & downs) will be a caring partnership.

[twiceblessed]

Oh, I personally would RUN! Yes, what you wrote is definitely redflag through and through for me. She accidently came across surrogacy while looking for a job! In other words, she has done no research, has no idea what surrogacy is all about; emotionally, etc. GL

[Bristow]

Is this the surro who just finished a surrogacy and doesn't know if her boyfriend is married?

[SurroMomma]

Surrogacy is not a job. Maybe she doesn't realize that?

And it seems in poor taste to me that she would tell you she was offered a higher comp. What is she looking for by telling you that? A higher bid??

[laguera77]

Is this the same surrogate who doesn't know if her live-in boyfriend is married to another woman?

[unspecified42]

Yes, I would consider that a red flag. Especially for a TS. I think you REALLY need to have reasons other than money to be a TS.

[babydust]

Is this the same surrogate who doesn't know if her live-in boyfriend is married to another woman?

Yes, it is the same one

[missbeth]

Yes, it is the same one

Honestly, this isn't the surro for you.

There is way too much that makes you uncomfortable. Even if they aren't red flags for other people- if they make YOU uncomfortable then they are red flags.

I know how badly you want to match, make it work, and have a baby. It is so tempting to compromise because you think it will get you there faster. But trust me, you'll have a much better experience when you find the right surro, and there aren't so many things about her that make you uncomfortable.

If I were you, I'd tell this "surro" she should go try for the higher bid.

I wish you the best in your journey.

[jlm4]

Good heavens, she sounds AWFUL!

I'll be blunt - I would never match with someone who is saying these things to you and I think if you did that you would end up with a horrible journey. Do you have any good reasons why you are still considering her? It sounds as though she might be looking for a gravy train. My opinion is based on a horrible first journey.

[SurroMomma]

If I were you, I'd tell this "surro" she should go try for the higher bid.

Yes, this.

I can't imagine you would regret moving on, but there are tons of things that could make you regret not.

Best to you on your journey...hope you find your perfect match very soon!

[Juliana]

Good heavens, she sounds AWFUL!

I'll be blunt - I would never match with someone who is saying these things to you and I think if you did that you would end up with a horrible journey. Do you have any good reasons why you are still considering her? It sounds as though she might be looking for a gravy train. My opinion is based on a horrible first journey.

ITA!

I also bet she's full of crap that she got offered more comp. RUN!

[Lowboy Love]

With comments like that my fear would be that after she's pregnant with your baby she would use that to scare you and get more money.
Example would be, can't pay the electric bill, or make the rent and asking if you want her on the street pregnant with your baby, unless you give her more money.
It could get really awful.

[RobsChica]

Whatever it is you think you won't find in another potential surro that's keeping you w/ this one is not worth these games. When you're staring up at the ceiling b/c it's keeping you awake w/ worry, that's how you know it's not the match for you.
Like Lowboy Love said, there will always be something more she needs and once she's pg she'll have you over a barrel.

[unamialgra]

You poor thing - you seem to be having the worst luck finding people! If I remember correctly you are the same one who first was trying to match with someone who said they wanted you to pay for them to take 4 weeks off of work prior to delivery, and how you have someone who can't figure out if her boyfriend is divorced and is in it for the money.

May I ask where you are finding these people? Maybe you should consider expanding your search to a more reputable venue - agency, attorney, clinic, etc. Even though these places might cost you more up front, they will hopefully do their part to weed out most of the crazies and save you a lot of headaches (and possibly a lot of money and heartache) down the line.

Bottom line, if there is ever anything that gives you pause about the person, it's best to back away. Especially in a TS situation where the legalities are more tenuous, you don't want to end up with someone who hasn't taken the time fully understand what they are getting themselves into.