Why does BMI matter?

[jlm4]

Gosh, this is a frustrating thread! Usually I just walk away from this stuff because clearly we are just beating our heads against a brick wall, but I get so mad when someone with a huge risk factor acts as though IPs should simply ignore the risk in favor of a woman who thinks her altruism is more important than good health.

Regina, I'm sure you've noticed that the women who have noticed that the women who have responded to you in this thread are not only surrogates, but also Intended Mothers, the very people whose baby you would potentially be carrying. None of us would want to work with you because of your weight. While it's nice that you have a generous heart, IPs ultimately don't care that your friends come to you for sympathy and cry on your shoulder - they want to know if you can safely conceive and carry a healthy baby to term.

Additionally, the surrogates in this thread who are cautioning against your entering into surrogacy represent many years, many journeys and many babies. They are speaking to you from experience and you would be wise to listen.

There are also some women who are telling you that they are overweight and they have had healthy pregnancies, but your original question was, "WHY DOES BMI MATTER?" The question has been answered. Are you not listening?

And since you are already accusing everyone of being so mean, I will say something at the risk of being mean: Using the euphemism "thick" does not change the basic fact that that you are morbidly obese.

[1der_girl]

First off, welcome! I think that, whether you liked the answer or not, your question has been thoroughly answered!
My advice would be to stick around and haunt this board! Use the search box, read every section and every new post. If you don't like how people are responding to you, don't post, but please stay and learn. As Schoolhouse Rock said "knowledge is power". There is more info here on surrogacy than I've found anywhere else.
Good luck!

[Duck]

I honestly didn't think I was going to get attacked on this sort of website. I guess next time I will keep my questions to myself. Plenty of people have high BMIs because they are not fat, but just have muscle mass. I thank everyone who was nice to me and answered my question without judging me.

I realize that people pay a lot of money to have a baby, I never once said that I didn't, but I didn't ask for the attitudes and judgement. I love my 3 daughters and do not care that I'm a thicker woman because I had them. I had a question that I didn't want some generic website to answer for me, I have done PLENTY of searching and reading, and what I see is a bunch of people who want babies and I happen to be a person who can help them. Like I already said I am working on my weight and when I get down to the right BMI then I will try again, and in the meantime I'm going to delete my membership to this website and find a new one.

Good luck to you all.

I always recommend this website for those who are interested in Surrogacy, either to become a surrogate or an Intended Parent.

It's full of honest feedback and information. If you are interested in surrogacy you should consider sticking around and reading more, you did say that you didn't want "some generic website to answer for me", instead you have received feedback from surrogates and Intended Parents(which was what you indicated that you wanted).

I'm not sure if you wanted/or expected people to say "it's fine, everyone will want a Surrogate who is borderline morbidly obese", but just like smoking, obesity(especially morbid obesity) is a serious concern with serious health repercussions.

[babymakes2]

Bobbie, I noticed the discrepancy also... either way the answers hold true, but if its the higher number then yes, its borderline morbid obesity. There are clinics that will work with someone with a BMI under 40, but when you have that stacked against you, you often don't get to work with the agency, clinic or IP that is best for you, just the one that will be willing to work with your risk factors.

Leigh, that was a great post and I FEEL YOUR FRUSTRATION!

OP - I agree with the PP who said you don't have to post, but you should still stick around and read. This is the place where you'll get the most, and the best information on surrogacy. I hope you take it all in and don't reject the good information because you feel defensive.

That said, weight is a very personal thing and its difficult to hear unfavorable opinions about something you want to do when its related to something so personal. I get that. As surrogates, many of us tend to be very matter-of-fact about things in which the general population are much more subjective in their way of thinking. Its not intended to be hurtful, but we HAVE to be able to separate the two. Having a kind heart and good intentions are part of it, yes, but being objective about all that goes into surrogacy is just as, or more important, IMO. If you really think about it (and have the knowledge behind it), the kindest, most generous thing to do as a surrogate is to understand every single thing that is in YOUR power to help your IP's (because there are a lot of things outside of your control).

the end.

[Newtothis]

If you really think about it, the kindest, most generous thing to do as a surrogate is to understand every single thing that is in YOUR power to help your IP's (because there are a lot of things outside of your control).

the end.

Best line in this thread

[ButterflyDream]

Gosh, this is a frustrating thread! Usually I just walk away from this stuff because clearly we are just beating our heads against a brick wall, but I get so mad when someone with a huge risk factor acts as though IPs should simply ignore the risk in favor of a woman who thinks her altruism is more important than good health.

Regina, I'm sure you've noticed that the women who have noticed that the women who have responded to you in this thread are not only surrogates, but also Intended Mothers, the very people whose baby you would potentially be carrying. None of us would want to work with you because of your weight. While it's nice that you have a generous heart, IPs ultimately don't care that your friends come to you for sympathy and cry on your shoulder - they want to know if you can safely conceive and carry a healthy baby to term.

Additionally, the surrogates in this thread who are cautioning against your entering into surrogacy represent many years, many journeys and many babies. They are speaking to you from experience and you would be wise to listen.

There are also some women who are telling you that they are overweight and they have had healthy pregnancies, but your original question was, "WHY DOES BMI MATTER?" The question has been answered. Are you not listening?

And since you are already accusing everyone of being so mean, I will say something at the risk of being mean: Using the euphemism "thick" does not change the basic fact that that you are morbidly obese.

Completely agree, Leigh.

[sillymommy]

Hello and welcome to the boards. I guess I have been busy lately and missed this.

First of all, take a deap breath, no one is attacking. Honestly, this sight is where you come for straight answers, if I want some one who tells me what I want to hear I will ask my friends around me lol.


You should stick around because honestly, we all have alot to offer in your journey. I wont go into the reasons why bmi matters, everyone has told you. It is up to you if you want to listen or not. You could use this as will power to loose weight so you can help someone, I will tell you that it is so worth it!! Good luck!

[EnglishTS]

I was a surrogate who had a higher BMI to begin with. At my heaviest, before surrogacy I had a BMI of 39. I lost some weight to start my first pregnancy last year which I sadly lost at 9 weeks. It was only after that started to think realistically. Of course I was healthy, with a low BP, 4 easy uncomplicated pgs and births but I wanted to do my very best. I have it in writing from my doctor that my weight played no obvious part in the miscarriage but I couldn't take the risk again. Not to mention, that pg was harder work than it needed to be- there isn't a feeling like carrying for some one else, no matter how caring you are, when you are too hot, exhausted and sluggish to look after your own chiildren! Very different to carrying your own pregnancy!

So instead of waiting a few months and matching again, I have taken almost a whole year off and lost over 60 lbs. It was hard work but totally worth it!
A year isn't a long time in the surrogacy community- it takes that to find IPs and make a match often! And if you really want to do this, its an easy enough thing to do. I have a BMI of 26 so I still have curves and boobs but I know I can give my IPs my all!

[mgrimmgoss]

I was a surrogate who had a higher BMI to begin with. At my heaviest, before surrogacy I had a BMI of 39. I lost some weight to start my first pregnancy last year which I sadly lost at 9 weeks. It was only after that started to think realistically. Of course I was healthy, with a low BP, 4 easy uncomplicated pgs and births but I wanted to do my very best. I have it in writing from my doctor that my weight played no obvious part in the miscarriage but I couldn't take the risk again. Not to mention, that pg was harder work than it needed to be- there isn't a feeling like carrying for some one else, no matter how caring you are, when you are too hot, exhausted and sluggish to look after your own chiildren! Very different to carrying your own pregnancy!

So instead of waiting a few months and matching again, I have taken almost a whole year off and lost over 60 lbs. It was hard work but totally worth it!
A year isn't a long time in the surrogacy community- it takes that to find IPs and make a match often! And if you really want to do this, its an easy enough thing to do. I have a BMI of 26 so I still have curves and boobs but I know I can give my IPs my all!

Love this! Way to go!!!!

[sillymommy]

I was a surrogate who had a higher BMI to begin with. At my heaviest, before surrogacy I had a BMI of 39. I lost some weight to start my first pregnancy last year which I sadly lost at 9 weeks. It was only after that started to think realistically. Of course I was healthy, with a low BP, 4 easy uncomplicated pgs and births but I wanted to do my very best. I have it in writing from my doctor that my weight played no obvious part in the miscarriage but I couldn't take the risk again. Not to mention, that pg was harder work than it needed to be- there isn't a feeling like carrying for some one else, no matter how caring you are, when you are too hot, exhausted and sluggish to look after your own chiildren! Very different to carrying your own pregnancy!

So instead of waiting a few months and matching again, I have taken almost a whole year off and lost over 60 lbs. It was hard work but totally worth it!
A year isn't a long time in the surrogacy community- it takes that to find IPs and make a match often! And if you really want to do this, its an easy enough thing to do. I have a BMI of 26 so I still have curves and boobs but I know I can give my IPs my all!

What an inspiration!

[sportIF]

What an inspiration!

Now this is how to take control of things within your control!


sportIF