Why does BMI matter?

[jlm4]

I agree with what other have posted here. I am overweight and when I started pursing surrogacy my BMI was in the obese range... I didn't have a lot of weight to lose to get below the obese range BMI, but I took some time to lose the weight. I learned early on that the clinic we were using had a higher BMI limit than my agency, but for me it wasn't just about making it in under the limit; I really wanted to be healthier for the pregnancy, both for myself and my IP's and potential surro-babes. I knew there would be a higher risk of multiples and I was worried about hurting my back or increasing my risks for bedrest or other complications. I did gain some of the weight back on the cycling meds, too, so I was even happier to start out weighing less.

That said, I had my BMI tested at my ND's office using the machine they hook up to electrodes (to do a BIA) and then to you, and my BMI was several points lower (and not in the obese range) than what the agency/clinic calculated. While I am overweight and have body fat to lose, I also have a lot of muscle and I'm quite healthy. My ND said she'd be happy to write something and give those BIA results showing the detail of my body fat, lean body mass, and BMI associated with those numbers. She felt that I was much healthier than a lot of people who are much thinner. Obviously body weight/BMI are not the only indicators of health, but clinics and IP's have to use something in order to weed out women who truly aren't healthy enough to be a surrogate.

I ended up losing around 35lbs before getting pregnant. I gained 30lbs with my surrogate pregnancy (twins) (as well as a few lbs while cycling), and believe me I was happy not to have been carrying around 30 extra lbs on top of that!

As we'd all tell any newbie, take some time to research, research, research... and read, read, read! Use the SMO search function, follow someone who has completed a journey from the beginning to the end if possible, ask more questions, talk to your support system at home about it.... and in the time it takes you to do that, you can hopefully take off some of the weight and meet the guidelines of the agency and clinic of YOUR choosing. (FWIW, I found other agencies that would accept me at a higher BMI, but I wanted to use the clinic I chose after lots of research and communication and I am so glad I did!)

Good luck and welcome to SMO!!

Excellent post!

OP, this lady has some great advice. Good luck to you!

[ButterflyDream]

I've tried replying a couple times but it doesn't get posted for some reason.

I have already started to lose some weight, I really don't think I need 10 people telling me I need to lose weight, that is the obvious answer. I was just curious why big women have babies everyday without complications and yet there are so many restrictions. I did not see one website that mentioned a minimal BMI, aren't there risks with being too skinny also? Most the websites I looked on had a maximum BMI of 28-35. I am currently 38.7

Since you're new, your posts are being moderated. Once your count goes up (usually around 25 or so, although sometimes sooner), your posts will start showing up immediately.

The main difference is that big women who have babies are often doing so "naturally". IVF, however, is anything but natural. So many factors come into play, and if one thing is off, then the transfer won't work. Heck, sometimes everything is "perfect" and the transfer still isn't successful.

Since I can't carry a pregnancy on my own, I wanted my babies to grow in an environment similar to what I would have provided. I'm pretty sure that other IPs feel the same. For me, that means someone who is below a BMI of 30, exercises several days a week, and eats well.

[Juliana]

I've tried replying a couple times but it doesn't get posted for some reason.

I have already started to lose some weight, I really don't think I need 10 people telling me I need to lose weight, that is the obvious answer. I was just curious why big women have babies everyday without complications and yet there are so many restrictions. I did not see one website that mentioned a minimal BMI, aren't there risks with being too skinny also? Most the websites I looked on had a maximum BMI of 28-35. I am currently 38.7

Really? We must be reading different threads then. What I read wasn't 10 people telling you to lose weight, what I read was explanations as to why in surrogacy, why in IVF, it is a statistical risk that most IPs and REs are not willing to take. Sounds to me like you just didn't like what you read.

When an obese woman decides to have her own baby, she also decides to take on those risks for herself. When an obese woman decides to have ****someone else's baby via IVF*** she is asking IPs, who are shelling out their life savings, and REs who run a business based on success rates, to also accept those risks. These two situations are very different things. Do you really not see that?

If not, please do some more research on surrogacy and how the dynamic is completely different from a naturally occurring pregnancy.

[JennMarie]

I've tried replying a couple times but it doesn't get posted for some reason.

I have already started to lose some weight, I really don't think I need 10 people telling me I need to lose weight, that is the obvious answer. I was just curious why big women have babies everyday without complications and yet there are so many restrictions. I did not see one website that mentioned a minimal BMI, aren't there risks with being too skinny also? Most the websites I looked on had a maximum BMI of 28-35. I am currently 38.7

Your're being moderated since you're a very new user. That will stop and eventually your posts will show up immediately.

Surrogacy is not just having a baby. Women who have had perfectly healthy babies and could continue to have health babies are disqualified all the time for various reasons - on aid, didn't pass MMPI, live in a bad state, bad credit, higher BMI, some fluke in screening, don't respond right to meds, and the list goes on.

It's looking at the whole picture, and part of that picture is the calculated risk that is determined by statistics and doctors' opinions.

I have seen websites that mention a lower BMI. That is important, too. I just think it's not mentioned as much because it's not an issue nearly as often.

While I know that it can feel like you're being discriminated against, it really isn't personal. You want to do something and being told you can't for a reason you feel is unfair. I get it, but it's just how it is in the surrogacy world. No less fair than IP's finding out they have to shell out 100K to have a baby.

I hope you are able to pursue your journey.

[cousinmommy]

I've tried replying a couple times but it doesn't get posted for some reason.

I have already started to lose some weight, I really don't think I need 10 people telling me I need to lose weight, that is the obvious answer. I was just curious why big women have babies everyday without complications and yet there are so many restrictions. I did not see one website that mentioned a minimal BMI, aren't there risks with being too skinny also? Most the websites I looked on had a maximum BMI of 28-35. I am currently 38.7

When you are a new user your posts are moderated for a while. They won't show up until approved.

[Duck]

Since you're new, your posts are being moderated. Once your count goes up (usually around 25 or so, although sometimes sooner), your posts will start showing up immediately.

The main difference is that big women who have babies are often doing so "naturally". IVF, however, is anything but natural. So many factors come into play, and if one thing is off, then the transfer won't work. Heck, sometimes everything is "perfect" and the transfer still isn't successful.

Since I can't carry a pregnancy on my own, I wanted my babies to grow in an environment similar to what I would have provided. I'm pretty sure that other IPs feel the same. For me, that means someone who is below a BMI of 30, exercises several days a week, and eats well.

That's exactly how I felt, I wanted my surrogate to provide the same kind of environment that I would have liked to have provided, just as I don't smoke, I would want a surrogate to eat healthy and exercise and have a normal BMI.

[babymakes2]

I've tried replying a couple times but it doesn't get posted for some reason.

I have already started to lose some weight, I really don't think I need 10 people telling me I need to lose weight, that is the obvious answer. I was just curious why big women have babies everyday without complications and yet there are so many restrictions. I did not see one website that mentioned a minimal BMI, aren't there risks with being too skinny also? Most the websites I looked on had a maximum BMI of 28-35. I am currently 38.7

I really think mostly we're just trying to answer your question about why BMI matters. Juliana said it well, so... what she said.

Also, one of the reasons I commend potential surrogate to read and follow the surrogacy journeys of others is because when you do, you'll realize that even under the most ideal circumstances (best IP's ever, perfect BMI, great health, perfect pregnancy history, respond right to meds, pregnant on first transfer, etc), IVF, surrogacy and just plain life can throw a wrench in things. BMI notwithstanding. Sometimes, reading those real life stories can help put things in perspective.

Excellent post!

OP, this lady has some great advice. Good luck to you!

[jlm4]

You asked the following question and you were given an honest answer - people were trying to help you and I'm sorry you didn't see it that way. If you didn't want to know the answer then you shouldn't have asked. And it's not really a "blah blah blah" thing when you are carrying someone else's baby. I don't think you will find a single IP who would see anything in surrogacy that way.

[QUOTE=ReginaHopeful;2457001]I was just wondering why thick women can't be surrogates? I know everyone says that overweight women aren't healthy blah blah blah,

Since I can't carry a pregnancy on my own, I wanted my babies to grow in an environment similar to what I would have provided. I'm pretty sure that other IPs feel the same. For me, that means someone who is below a BMI of 30, exercises several days a week, and eats well.

This is exactly the way I felt when I was searching during my journeys.

Really? We must be reading different threads then. What I read wasn't 10 people telling you to lose weight, what I read was explanations as to why in surrogacy, why in IVF, it is a statistical risk that most IPs and REs are not willing to take. Sounds to me like you just didn't like what you read.

When an obese woman decides to have her own baby, she also decides to take on those risks for herself. When an obese woman decides to have ****someone else's baby via IVF*** she is asking IPs, who are shelling out their life savings, and REs who run a business based on success rates, to also accept those risks. These two situations are very different things. Do you really not see that?

If not, please do some more research on surrogacy and how the dynamic is completely different from a naturally occurring pregnancy.

Absolutely true.

It is wonderful that you want to carry a baby for someone - surrogacy is an incredible thing - but your BMI is very high and you may need to make some lifestyle changes. It seems as though you haven't accepted this fact yet if you are offended by the responses you have gotten in this thread.

[ReginaHopeful]

I honestly didn't think I was going to get attacked on this sort of website. I guess next time I will keep my questions to myself. Plenty of people have high BMIs because they are not fat, but just have muscle mass. I thank everyone who was nice to me and answered my question without judging me.

I realize that people pay a lot of money to have a baby, I never once said that I didn't, but I didn't ask for the attitudes and judgement. I love my 3 daughters and do not care that I'm a thicker woman because I had them. I had a question that I didn't want some generic website to answer for me, I have done PLENTY of searching and reading, and what I see is a bunch of people who want babies and I happen to be a person who can help them. Like I already said I am working on my weight and when I get down to the right BMI then I will try again, and in the meantime I'm going to delete my membership to this website and find a new one.

Good luck to you all.

[RobsChica]

If you didn't think you'd get attacked on this website you have NOT been around very long. There's very little nonsense that's tolerated here, you should have seen that by now.
IP's don't just 'pay a lot of money to have a baby', they invest in a successful and satisfying journey that they hope ends w/ a baby in their arms. And they're entitled to be cautious about where they place all that hope.
You seem to have an attitude that surrogacy is a transaction and all one needs to do is get in line for the cashier. "But I'm willing to do it and I've had 3 healthy pregnancies!!" is no more pertinent than an IP saying, "But I have enough money!!"
Spend several weeks here reading the good and bad experiences and see if you truly feel you could do ALL that a journey requires to be successful; you may find some other facets of matching and cycling you feel are too unfair for you to continue.

[susanb573]

BMI is important because surrogates must be healthy in all aspects. A BMI of 38.7 is morbidly obese and would have many potential complications in pregnancy. I am 40 and know that this will be my last surrogacy because of my age. Age is a risk factor for pregnancy. So is obesity. It's not complicated and people are not attacking.

[ReginaHopeful]

If you didn't think you'd get attacked on this website you have NOT been around very long. There's very little nonsense that's tolerated here, you should have seen that by now.
IP's don't just 'pay a lot of money to have a baby', they invest in a successful and satisfying journey that they hope ends w/ a baby in their arms. And they're entitled to be cautious about where they place all that hope.
You seem to have an attitude that surrogacy is a transaction and all one needs to do is get in line for the cashier. "But I'm willing to do it and I've had 3 healthy pregnancies!!" is no more pertinent than an IP saying, "But I have enough money!!"
Spend several weeks here reading the good and bad experiences and see if you truly feel you could do ALL that a journey requires to be successful; you may find some other facets of matching and cycling you feel are too unfair for you to continue.

I never once said I wanted any money for starters and I have two very close friends who can not have children and have either adopted or are foster parents. I know all about the struggles of feeling you are missing a part of you, many tears have fallen on my shoulders when comforting them.

What bothers me the most about this website is a few of the responders write as though they know me, as if I'm that woman who woke up yesterday morning and said I'm going to have a baby for money. I'm not. I'm the woman who found my own tears streaming down my face when my friend visited me and my baby, who was just days old at the time, and I could see the happiness and sadness as she held her. I can't begin to know what it feels like to be infertile, but I know what it looks like when infertitly consumes your life. I am a friendly, wholesome, honest person, and I enjoy bringing happiness to others, this was something I wanted to do for the Amanda's and Stacy's out there.

[RobsChica]

I can see how my phrasing could sound like I meant you were in it for the money; pardon the weak analogy. I meant that it's not a given that someone who wants to be a surrogate will have a chance to do so, it's not as easy as buying something just b/c you have enough money.
You came here for advice b/c these women DO know what you're going through, even if they don't know you. Look around some other threads and you'll see that in fact, their responses were more than kind b/c you're new. If you're going to be so easily hurt by the presumptions of others you will have a hard time in surrogacy. It's a journey for the tenacious.
You can be the most kind-hearted, generous and giving person that ever walked the earth and it does not mean you'd make a healthy surrogate.

Lastly, if you look at the Announcements forum, you'll see this thread where Shannon (the owner) explains she doesn't delete accounts. Please read EVERY thread on this board, especially the Beware forum. You may think some topic won't apply to you but chances are most of them will. If you stick w/ surrogacy you WILL be disappointed, scared, amused and surprised; very little turns out exactly as you hope. That's why there's nearly a decade of threads here.

[cousinmommy]

I honestly didn't think I was going to get attacked on this sort of website. I guess next time I will keep my questions to myself. Plenty of people have high BMIs because they are not fat, but just have muscle mass. I thank everyone who was nice to me and answered my question without judging me.

I realize that people pay a lot of money to have a baby, I never once said that I didn't, but I didn't ask for the attitudes and judgement. I love my 3 daughters and do not care that I'm a thicker woman because I had them. I had a question that I didn't want some generic website to answer for me, I have done PLENTY of searching and reading, and what I see is a bunch of people who want babies and I happen to be a person who can help them. Like I already said I am working on my weight and when I get down to the right BMI then I will try again, and in the meantime I'm going to delete my membership to this website and find a new one.

Good luck to you all.

Everyone was nice until you got a little bent out of shape. You have not been and are not being attacked. What has happened is you got replies (some you didnt like) from people with experiemce. Also those replies were based on your original post. That was their only knowledge of you so stomping your feet and saying "you don't know me" is silly because we obviously don't. What we do know is that 99% of new people that come here, especially if they say they have done research, really haven't. Some thinly they have but still have so much to learn. Most of them ask a question & then don't like the answerable they get because its not what they wanted to hear. Hopefully this gives you some insight. Trust me you've been handled with kid gloves.

[Newtothis]

You asked why thick girls couldn't be surrogates, and several gave you the honest and correct answer: It's not safe. Yes, muscle mass can vary but 35 plus BMI is quite a bit more than some extra muscle.

Who are the Amanda's and Stacy's of the world??

[ReginaHopeful]

If you didn't think you'd get attacked on this website you have NOT been around very long. There's very little nonsense that's tolerated here, you should have seen that by now.
IP's don't just 'pay a lot of money to have a baby', they invest in a successful and satisfying journey that they hope ends w/ a baby in their arms. And they're entitled to be cautious about where they place all that hope.
You seem to have an attitude that surrogacy is a transaction and all one needs to do is get in line for the cashier. "But I'm willing to do it and I've had 3 healthy pregnancies!!" is no more pertinent than an IP saying, "But I have enough money!!"
Spend several weeks here reading the good and bad experiences and see if you truly feel you could do ALL that a journey requires to be successful; you may find some other facets of matching and cycling you feel are too unfair for you to continue.

Unbelievable. You've made a great first impression on me. Thank you for being so kind! I'd hate to see you being mean.

Everyone was nice until you got a little bent out of shape. You have not been and are not being attacked. What has happened is you got replies (some you didnt like) from people with experiemce. Also those replies were based on your original post. That was their only knowledge of you so stomping your feet and saying "you don't know me" is silly because we obviously don't. What we do know is that 99% of new people that come here, especially if they say they have done research, really haven't. Some thinly they have but still have so much to learn. Most of them ask a question & then don't like the answerable they get because its not what they wanted to hear. Hopefully this gives you some insight. Trust me you've been handled with kid gloves.

[ReginaHopeful]

You asked why thick girls couldn't be surrogates, and several gave you the honest and correct answer: It's not safe. Yes, muscle mass can vary but 35 plus BMI is quite a bit more than some extra muscle.

Who are the Amanda's and Stacy's of the world??

I've been told bunches of times in this strand to read, read, read, well the answer to your question is in my post. The Amanda's and Stacy's are those who can't have babies of their own. I thought it was obvious, two friends, two names. Sorry I wasn't clearer.

[pixieheart]

sorry had to delete my resopne

[MadKatsMom]

My BMI is currently 36.6

The agencies I looked into have had a max BMI rangeing anywhere from 28-35.

In my first pregnancy, which was twin girls. I went into preterm labor, but it was stopped. Vaginal birth to two healthy girls at 36 weeks. No diabetes. I was under military medical and they said I had preeclampsia, but I don't believe I was diagnosed right.

My second pregnancy I had no big problems. I had morning sickness, hardly any swelling, no diabetes, gave birth 3 days before the due date. Vaginal delivery. She is now 7 months and the main reason I want to help others.

I have started trying to lose weight, it is incentive because this is something I really want to do. My BMI is currently 38.7 and I have looked at many Surrogate agencies which have a max BMI of 28-35.

I have been pregnant twice. First with twin girls. I had them at 36 weeks, vaginal delivery. I was under military medical and they said I had preeclampsia, but I don't believe I was diagnosed right. They were completely healthy and both above 5 pounds.

My second birth was a girl. No big problems, morning sickness, no diabetes, she was born vaginal also. She is now 7 months and the main reason I have decided that I want to be a surrogate.

Confused. Which is it?

[ReginaHopeful]

sorry had to delete my resopne

I admire your honesty and I appreciate you sharing your journey with me. You are truly a angel and those families are very fortunate to have come across you. While your last possibility must have been disappointing it is amazing she was able to have her own.

Again, thank you for sharing.