Question for contract re: Lost wages

[Mama2Alex]

I'm going to be starting the contract phase and have a question I hope someone experienced might answer.

I'm single and I know I need a support person to accompany me for the transfer to help me out while I'm on the bed rest. I know that if it were a husband/spouse the contract would cover the spouses' lost wages. But I realize that the spouse is a signer on the contract.

Would my contract as a single woman cover the lost wages of my support person?

I know that the transfer fee is used to cover the costs of daycare for my child while I'm out of town and on bedrest for three days. I plan on having my mom take care of my son while I travel the 5 hours away to the clinic for the transfer. I thought that I should use another support person because my child is young and needs a lot of attention. I also didn't think the clinic would want my support person also towing along my 1 year old.

Another friend has offered to go along with me, but might have to miss work to travel with me. She doesn't expect me to compensate her for coming with me, but I wonder if this is something IP's normally take care of?

[LauraElizabeth]

Is your clinic/RE/agency/IPs requiring you to have a support person accompany you to the transfer or is it something that you are requesting? That can make a difference in the answer.

[Rebekah Rose]

I wouldn't take a support person personally (and didn't have one with my first transfer - the only one I traveled for), but if you, your IPs or your clinic has determined you need to have one with you after transfer than you can certainly bring it up to your IPs and make sure it gets included in the contract.

[Mama2Alex]

The agency requires a support person to drive me after the transfer. There is a 3 day required bed rest.

[cousinmommy]

Childcare should be covered separately. The transfer fee is for you for going through the meds, transfer, etc.

[missbeth]

I haven't needed a support person when I traveled for transfer because I had people there to help me, in my case, my IPs and their family. But in our contract it would have paid only lost wages for me, not a support person for that (labor/delivery is a different story). The contract usually will say it will pay for travel expenses of a support person specified how much we had for food, per diem for you and a support person as well.

Also, i notice you said that your transfer fee is paying for your childcare while you're gone. Those should be separate. Your transfer 'fee' is for your pain/discomfort during transfer, bedrest, and all the meds. It is yours. if you need them to cover childcare, that needs to be separate.

[ButterflyDream]

As an IM, I'd be okay with paying for your support person's reasonable travel costs. Lost wages for the support person who is not a spouse, though, feels like a stretch to me--especially 3 days' worth for transfer. I'd be more okay with a spouse's lost wages because that's still the immediate family's income, and I don't feel that being our surrogate should cost her family money.

Childcare should be covered separately. The transfer fee is for you for going through the meds, transfer, etc.

But if her mom is the one taking care of her son, then would there still be official childcare expenses? In our contract, child care fees are only paid to non-family members.

[missbeth]

But if her mom is the one taking care of her son, then would there still be official childcare expenses? In our contract, child care fees are only paid to non-family members.

I wish my sister in law would watch my kids w/o incentive hahaha...

[surrolena]

My transfer fee was used to pay for the expenses I incurred in relation to the cycle/transfer including childcare. If you are okay with that then it is fine imo. If you aren't then add childcare on separately.

I never took a support person so I suppose it depends on if one is required. If it is REQUIRED then I could see asking about it.

[geminidrea77]

My husband has always accompanied me to each transfer I too have a 3 day bedrest rule. My first contract had lost wages for hubby and for the 2nd and 3rd journey. For the 2nd journey onward I asked for a monthly allowance and childcare.

[Juliana]

I've never taken a support person. If I were to take someone, I would not be asking for their lost wages. However, if this is something important to you, you should ask.

[cousinmommy]

As an IM, I'd be okay with paying for your support person's reasonable travel costs. Lost wages for the support person who is not a spouse, though, feels like a stretch to me--especially 3 days' worth for transfer. I'd be more okay with a spouse's lost wages because that's still the immediate family's income, and I don't feel that being our surrogate should cost her family money.



But if her mom is the one taking care of her son, then would there still be official childcare expenses? In our contract, child care fees are only paid to non-family members.

I watch my niece's kids and get paid. I'm her regular sitter.

My contract doesn't specify anything about family members. I have am arrangent with my cousin for helping out if I were to go on bedrest. It's actually cheaper for ly IPs than if someone else had to be hired.

[LauraElizabeth]

The agency requires a support person to drive me after the transfer. There is a 3 day required bed rest.

Since they are requiring it, then yes, I would ask.

[Lilkim80]

I wish my sister in law would watch my kids w/o incentive hahaha...

LOL i thought i was only one with in - laws like that lol! my father in law used to charge $10 hr lol! but when he watched our son he wasn't able to do things that needed to be done.

So i totally understand that.

[Mama2Alex]

Sorry, I was in school.

My mom works full time but my she prefers to watch my son rather than me hire a babysitter. My son has never been cared for by anyone other than me or a family member. (He is 1) Depending on the day the transfer falls, she would have to take at least one day off work. Yes, she isn't typically a paid day care provider, but she wouldn't normally have to incur this day off if it weren't surrogacy related.

I was under the impression that the transfer fee was also to cover childcare expenses relating to the transfer.

The agency states that I must have a support person. Having gone through IVF before, I could totally do it on my own without a support person, but I don't want to violate any of our terms, so thus the need for a friend to come with. She doesn't expect me to compensate her in anyway, but I wanted to find out what is the norm in this situation.

Thanks for all your responses!

[lbbmama]

My "support person" happened to live in LA (where we did the transfer), so she took me to my transfer & DH stayed at home with our kids. It's an old friend & we would have had lunch together either way, so we just took it as a nice opportunity to chat. (The nurse kept talk about how I needed to have "calm" right after transfer, which made me want to shoot her in the foot.) She kept me way more sane than DH would have.

As far as childcare, my agency has specifically said to submit for costs if family is watching them too. When we are outside our routine, it is a hardship on others. If it was 1 or 2 nights, no I wouldn't, but if I were to go on bedrest, that's different. At this point, my kids are almost on summer vacation, so if they needed to go somewhere or they had to be watched, it would a HUGE thing - family or not. I think most of us try not to nickel & dime our IPs, but if all of a sudden, MIL, SIL, or my mom was watching my kids full time, it would be a burden on them (yes, they'll do it, but still....).

[sillymommy]

I watch my niece's kids and get paid. I'm her regular sitter.

My contract doesn't specify anything about family members. I have am arrangent with my cousin for helping out if I were to go on bedrest. It's actually cheaper for ly IPs than if someone else had to be hired.

My mom watched my children and I paid her also. Yes, she is family but I wanted her to have the money because she was changing her schedule for me.

OP are you staying at the place of transfer for a full three days after? Maybe they would agree to let someone drive you have laying down the day after. Just to cut out the lost waiges a day or so for your support person?

I also went to a transfer alone and stayed in a hotel by myself. My IP's arranged for someone to pick me up from the clinic and I ordered room service at the hotel. I do kind of think that the lost waiges for the support person may be a stretch. Especially for 3 days, maybe one, 3 seems like alot.

[cousinmommy]

If you have to be in a hotel for 3 days of he'd rest make sure it has room service and/or a mini fridge & microwave so that you could stock with snacks, drinks, and heat up food.

[babymakes2]

I have seen the transfer fee done two ways:
1: A higher amount intended to cover all related expenses (not actual travel/airfare, but the expenses associated with travel), as well as childcare and lost wages.
2: A lower fee, with lost wages, childcare and travel related expenses submitted separately for reimbursement.
(I am sure there could be a variation or combo of either of these as well)

Either way, make sure that the contract states WHAT the fee is intended to cover or WHAT is a reimbursable expense. Since you are required to have a travel companion, their lost wages should be included. Since you don't have a spouse/partner signing with you, you will want to discuss this with your attorney or agency to handle what would be allowed for this travel companion's lost wages so any lost wages paid to someone else are reasonable and valid.

My transfer fee was intended to cover cover up to four days of
transfer related expenses; my lost wages, my travel
companion