All three sets of my IP's were fine speaking to each other and giving references. I understand wanting privacy, but sending an email or having a quick phone conversation doesn't haven't to disclose identity or personal information. Really what the new IP's are wanting is reference information for the surro not necessarily personal info from the FIP's.
I haven't had problems with any of my IP's but I know my 2nd set of IP's would not talk to any potential IP's because they even cut contact with me due to the fact they never want their daughter to know how she was born.
Now the other 3 sets would be glad to talk to any potential IP's. SO just because IP's won't talk to potential IP's doesn't mean that something went wrong.
I don't feel comfortable with asking my fip's to speak to new IP's. I just don't want to for many reasons. Of course my IP's would do nothing but give me good reviews but it is just uncomfortable for everyone. I almost feel like asking for a letter of recommendation is way too buisness like, gosh I wasn't their house keeper.
The biggest reason I won't ask them is because I don't do on journey after another. It took me 4 years to decide I wanted to be a surrogate again. So I don't want a new set of IP's calling the former IP's after so much time has gone by. We have all gone on with our lives.
On the other hand, I wouldn't mind giving my medical records to my IP's and I would also give the records for the re's that I worked with. This would show that I can follow instructions and deliver healthy babies. Also people change over time, I could have turned into a complete nut job in the 6 years sense my first surrogacy.
If this makes me look bad then oh well, I'm not your surrogate.
I am also a private person and to be perfectly honest I don't want to tell my former IP's when I am persuing a surrogacy. I guess I could have gotten a letter before my IP's left town, but again, awkward. Here's your baby, by the way, can I get a letter of recommendation? Awkward..
I apologize in advance for my spelling. I'm not stupid I just can't spell.
SweetMama Christine is my contact buddy
Does it ever go the other way? Has anyone ever asked for a reference for their IP(s)? Maybe they worked with another surrogate in the past. As surrogates we have to prove ourselves in a way but it can be equally nerve wracking making sure the IP(s) you chose are good people as well.
Twin boys 7/18/12 (37 weeks)
A- 5lbs 7oz 19"
B- 5lbs 9oz 19"
Second, perhaps they cut contact after an internal struggle with not knowing how to handle telling their daughter. Feels safer to keep you FAR away so as not to have that constantly on their mind. (This isn't to say that I think this is right or wrong) I do see how someone could have a fine journey but later learn that they just weren't ready for the "after". Do we always know how we will react to something till we actually experience it? I think we try to predict or do our best to go in a direction but sometimes get derailed.
Third, maybe there is a cultural/religious reason for going this direction.
The sad part is if you were unaware that it would be this way.
No doubt that I would think surro/IP's were not telling me something if I had asked for references from a previous surro/IP (and I was told it was a great journey) but they weren't willing to speak with me. However, if I have learned anything thing from SMO, it's that nothing is black and white, what works for one isn't always best for all, AND I really should use spell check more often.
Last edited by momto5; 04-26-2012 at 08:03 AM.
My current IPs did have a previous surrogate and we did talk. She adores them and wishes them the best-- I can't ask for a better recommendation than that.
To answer all of you ladies...it was a good journey and no I had no idea I was going to be cut out and they were never going to tell their daughter about me. They kept in touch for a year and then one day when I emailed I got a reply from them stating they had always intended to cut contact with me but thanks for having a baby for them. I had no control over their choice and yes I was sad but it was no fault of my own.