IPs please be careful

[lindarr]

I'm so so sorry for your loss. An early los this can sure put a strain on an both the IPs and the surrogate.

I've been through a few different sticky situations and all you can really do is learn from them. My first surrogacy turned out pretty bad. My first surrobaby passed away two days after birth. She had a chromosome problem that was undiagnosed before birth. It was a c=section too. I was 35 weeks at that time so I did get full compensation. There were a few times we had issues regarding my comp after that one.

My worst comp problem was with a couple were I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks and delivered at 11 weeks via D&C. There were quite a few problems with comp.

I learned from each mistake and made sure to make all the changes on any furture contracts and journeys. As for me, there is no way I could have accepted full comp in your situation. I know all my contracts state 28 weeks with multiples. Even if it didn't, I would have accepted 24 weeks and maybe a little for pain and suffering.

I hope all turns out okay and you get to try again to get your little baby in your arms.

Take time to heal and take things day by day. It can be really rough at first. I am sending love and prayers your way.

WE learned from our miskate and informed people. If I could be helpful, it is better. If we heard anything like that from people before, we could have been more careful when we read the contract, but I still believe it's not professional to tell the client as a lawyer ' You read the contract, you should know this'. She also has children through surrogacy. I was hoping she would have more passion about surrogacy.
Thank you for sharing

[lindarr]

First of all, thank you all who shared our sad story and letting me know about our previous surrogate.
My purpose was only to warn IPs to be more carefull about lawyers when they start surrogacy journey. I was so surprised to learn from many surrogates about our surrogate Erika.

We didn't know she didn't fallow the doctor's order, didn't stay in bed.
We had no idea her child was autistic. She never told us.
Yes, we payed her after the first child died. We also payed her next month for both babies. We payed her even after both babies died. Yes, she didn't get the full compensation, we asked her if we could stop. We didn't pay her for the twin money. That's it.
We went to a high risk specialist together. I was wondering why it happened, what was the reason??? The doctor told us placenta abruption can happened again, at least 20 percent. Our IVF doctor thought it will happen again with her.
No body cleared her.
AS a result, we payed her a lot because of the lawyer's mistake and the surrogate accepted. It's too late now. We lost both babies. We still think about them.
I felt I have to write something because everybody deserves to hear the truth instead of speculation.
Thank you again for all the positive reaction and information that come from wonderful surrogates and IPs[/QUOTE]

[twinlioness]

I'm so sorry this has turned out the way it has. I don't know if you have come out and said exactly who your surrogate is (I've seen a lot of inference) but I would hope your coming here opens the eyes of all who read this both surrogates and IP's.

[Newtothis]

I'm so sorry this has turned out the way it has. I don't know if you have come out and said exactly who your surrogate is (I've seen a lot of inference) but I would hope your coming here opens the eyes of all who read this both surrogates and IP's.

Read the post above yours silly girl!

[twinlioness]

Read the post above yours silly girl!

Hahah! Yeah, I read that lol. But still I wasn't sure, because she has not come right out and said it. I realize she's hinting and pointing to the Erica who posted in here but she has never come out and said that. Either way, there is a huge lesson to be learned form this for everyone. I scoured through our contract with a fine tooth comb because while I trusted our atty I didn't fully trust her to protect me if that makes sense.

[Newtothis]

Hahah! Yeah, I read that lol. But still I wasn't sure, because she has not come right out and said it.

I was so surprised to learn from many surrogates about our surrogate Erika.

That's a pretty good hint. (I'm just kidding with ya.) I totally agree that it's soooooo important to go over the contract with a fine tooth comb!

[lindarr]

Hahah! Yeah, I read that lol. But still I wasn't sure, because she has not come right out and said it. I realize she's hinting and pointing to the Erica who posted in here but she has never come out and said that. Either way, there is a huge lesson to be learned form this for everyone. I scoured through our contract with a fine tooth comb because while I trusted our atty I didn't fully trust her to protect me if that makes sense.

Actually, I wrote her name before by replies and posted under from our lawyer to our surrogate. Yes, her name is Erika ******.



*Edited by admin to remove full name*

[twinlioness]

Yikes, I didn't mean for you to post her actual full name.I just wasn't sure if it was the same Erika posting in this thread or not. Sorry.

[lindarr]

Yikes, I didn't mean for you to post her actual full name.I just wasn't sure if it was the same Erika posting in this thread or not. Sorry.

Yes, the same one who posted.

[momdreams]

We are going through this now. Our baby was born at 25 weeks and died a couple weeks later. Thankfully we did have a provision in the contract stating that if they baby wasn't born after 28 weeks past transfer (30 weeks gestation) then we are no longer obligated to pay. Unfortunately for us, our GS is asking for the full amount. It was the first thing that came out of her mouth when she was put on hospital bed rest. She seemed to only be in this for the money. She is concerned she paid for things out of her budget. But what about my family? We are in the hole over 70k and had to bury our baby. This has been the worst thing to every happen to my family. We feel victimized and betrayed because the baby was perfectly healthy. We are mourning the loss and being asked for money we are not obligated to pay. Just a horrible situation all around. I'm not saying all surrogates are in it for the money but lesson learned.

[kristen88]

Momdreams....I'm so sorry that you are going through this. We lost a little boy 2 years ago at 23.5 weeks. It was the hardest thing I've ever went through. I still think about him every day. Don't lose hope...we have a 6 month old little blessing. I'm sorry you are having to go through the legal woes as well...hopefully the contract is sound and will explain things further.

[twinlioness]

We are going through this now. Our baby was born at 25 weeks and died a couple weeks later. Thankfully we did have a provision in the contract stating that if they baby wasn't born after 28 weeks past transfer (30 weeks gestation) then we are no longer obligated to pay. Unfortunately for us, our GS is asking for the full amount. It was the first thing that came out of her mouth when she was put on hospital bed rest. She seemed to only be in this for the money. She is concerned she paid for things out of her budget. But what about my family? We are in the hole over 70k and had to bury our baby. This has been the worst thing to every happen to my family. We feel victimized and betrayed because the baby was perfectly healthy. We are mourning the loss and being asked for money we are not obligated to pay. Just a horrible situation all around. I'm not saying all surrogates are in it for the money but lesson learned.

I am so very sorry. I cannot even imagine the pain you are in. I will pray you find peace in this horrible time.

[Bristow]

We are going through this now. Our baby was born at 25 weeks and died a couple weeks later. Thankfully we did have a provision in the contract stating that if they baby wasn't born after 28 weeks past transfer (30 weeks gestation) then we are no longer obligated to pay. Unfortunately for us, our GS is asking for the full amount. It was the first thing that came out of her mouth when she was put on hospital bed rest. She seemed to only be in this for the money. She is concerned she paid for things out of her budget. But what about my family? We are in the hole over 70k and had to bury our baby. This has been the worst thing to every happen to my family. We feel victimized and betrayed because the baby was perfectly healthy. We are mourning the loss and being asked for money we are not obligated to pay. Just a horrible situation all around. I'm not saying all surrogates are in it for the money but lesson learned.

So sorry for your losss. She should be so ashamed of herself!

[JennMarie]

So sorry for your losss. She should be so ashamed of herself!

Yes, she should. Good luck to you and I'm so sorry for your loss. To deal with that during your tragedy is unforgivable on her part.

[hopefulGS2B]

We are going through this now. Our baby was born at 25 weeks and died a couple weeks later. Thankfully we did have a provision in the contract stating that if they baby wasn't born after 28 weeks past transfer (30 weeks gestation) then we are no longer obligated to pay. Unfortunately for us, our GS is asking for the full amount. It was the first thing that came out of her mouth when she was put on hospital bed rest. She seemed to only be in this for the money. She is concerned she paid for things out of her budget. But what about my family? We are in the hole over 70k and had to bury our baby. This has been the worst thing to every happen to my family. We feel victimized and betrayed because the baby was perfectly healthy. We are mourning the loss and being asked for money we are not obligated to pay. Just a horrible situation all around. I'm not saying all surrogates are in it for the money but lesson learned.

I am so sorry for your loss. Its incomprehensible to me that a surrogate can be so self centered. Many prayers.

[momdreams]

Thank you everyone and I'm so sorry for those of you who have lost a child as well.

I honestly don't know what is worse right now. Losing our baby or the hurt we feel that our former GS is asking to be paid in full when she not only didn't carry to term but our baby died which makes it seem to us that the person who carried her isn't sorry for her dealth. She has no heart! I feel like she has stabbed me twice in mine. I'm sorry she says she spent the money already and was counting on it, but we were counting on our baby! She's a horrible, horrible person.

For anyone looking to become a GS, please don't get into it because you think it's an easy way to make money. There are real people involved and only do it if you want to help and do what's best for a child. That will work out better in the end for all parties involved.

[telemetrynurse]

I'm so very sorry for all who have lost babies.

Thank you to the OP for posting this to help educate future/new IP's re. the importance of understanding the GC contract and giving a specific example of something that could be a problem in the contract.

I am just starting my search for a GC and posts like this, and this website in general, are very helpful.

[Pixiechick]

First, I am so sorry for anyone who has ever lost a child It's horrible.


Second, I have spent 4 hours while my kids are playing at the pool with my BFF doing NOTHING but searching posts from that lady who was being accused of basically causing the m/c of the twins.

Is it truly possible that I'm missing a whole lot of information? I can't find where she said she didn't follow her contract or doctor's bedrest orders. Can someone link me to the posts? I'm really lost and either there is misinformation about this, or I'm missing where she said that. That stupid search button doesn't pull up everything, I'm sure of it!

I was wondering if I could ask something, without getting anyone pissed off.

How do we know that anyone *causes the loss of a child other then when the pregnant person is drinking, smoking, doing drugs, has an abortion, or is blatantly doing something --like lifting when diagnosed with an abruption, bungy jumping--or what not? I never heard of anything like this before. When I had my losses, I was told nothing I could do would save the pregnancy. in this instance, is it appropriate to place blame. Why? Where is research articles or links that I can find to support that pregnancy loss can be caused -----other than the things I listed?

I ask because if there is a possible way to actually cause a loss, maybe it would help IP's list specific things a surrogate isn't allowd to do during pregnancy right?

[Newtothis]

First, I am so sorry for anyone who has ever lost a child It's horrible.


Second, I have spent 4 hours while my kids are playing at the pool with my BFF doing NOTHING but searching posts from that lady who was being accused of basically causing the m/c of the twins.

Is it truly possible that I'm missing a whole lot of information? I can't find where she said she didn't follow her contract or doctor's bedrest orders. Can someone link me to the posts? I'm really lost and either there is misinformation about this, or I'm missing where she said that. That stupid search button doesn't pull up everything, I'm sure of it!

I was wondering if I could ask something, without getting anyone pissed off.

How do we know that anyone *causes the loss of a child other then when the pregnant person is drinking, smoking, doing drugs, has an abortion, or is blatantly doing something --like lifting when diagnosed with an abruption, bungy jumping--or what not? I never heard of anything like this before. When I had my losses, I was told nothing I could do would save the pregnancy. in this instance, is it appropriate to place blame. Why? Where is research articles or links that I can find to support that pregnancy loss can be caused -----other than the things I listed?

I ask because if there is a possible way to actually cause a loss, maybe it would help IP's list specific things a surrogate isn't allowd to do during pregnancy right?

You are missing a few facts. Many occured off boards including showing up at an SMO GTG when she was suppossed to be on strict bed rest and posting about labor symptoms and waiting instead of seeking care immidiately with troubling symptoms if I remember correctly. Not many people here would blindly accuse someone such a huge thing without facts. People have miscarriages and late losses all the time and it isn't their fault. On the other hand, if one is careless and disregards doctors orders, they set themselves up for some strong opinions.

[RobsChica]

First, I am so sorry for anyone who has ever lost a child It's horrible.


Second, I have spent 4 hours while my kids are playing at the pool with my BFF doing NOTHING but searching posts from that lady who was being accused of basically causing the m/c of the twins.

Is it truly possible that I'm missing a whole lot of information? I can't find where she said she didn't follow her contract or doctor's bedrest orders. Can someone link me to the posts? I'm really lost and either there is misinformation about this, or I'm missing where she said that. That stupid search button doesn't pull up everything, I'm sure of it!

I was wondering if I could ask something, without getting anyone pissed off.

How do we know that anyone *causes the loss of a child other then when the pregnant person is drinking, smoking, doing drugs, has an abortion, or is blatantly doing something --like lifting when diagnosed with an abruption, bungy jumping--or what not? I never heard of anything like this before. When I had my losses, I was told nothing I could do would save the pregnancy. in this instance, is it appropriate to place blame. Why? Where is research articles or links that I can find to support that pregnancy loss can be caused -----other than the things I listed?

I ask because if there is a possible way to actually cause a loss, maybe it would help IP's list specific things a surrogate isn't allowd to do during pregnancy right?

At least one thread of hers was removed from sight here, probably when it became clear lawyers were involved. Other info was related by those who were at that same GTG to other people via Facebook, emails, private boards, etc. It's doubtful anyone but the surro herself (if even then) knows the whole, honest truth but it's been a topic of SMO discussion for nearly 2 years now. It's like the saddest game of Telephone ever played.