IPs please be careful

[ButterflyDream]

Personally, we knew that we couldn't afford to do surrogacy again so we actually had a life insurance rider on the twins, stating that when they were born they had to live for 30 days, and if they didn't we would receive 20k, not a lot of money, but enough to get us started again.

Duck, how did you go about doing this? And is it something limited to Canada, or would it be possible for someone in the States to obtain? Obviously no IP wants to collect on that kind of policy/rider, but it sounds like a good fallback position--especially if you aren't sure that you can afford to start all over again.

If you prefer to discuss it in private, please e-mail me through the boards. Thanks!

[Duck]

Duck, how did you go about doing this? And is it something limited to Canada, or would it be possible for someone in the States to obtain? Obviously no IP wants to collect on that kind of policy/rider, but it sounds like a good fallback position--especially if you aren't sure that you can afford to start all over again.

If you prefer to discuss it in private, please e-mail me through the boards. Thanks!

I actually contacted someone who specializes in life insurances for surrogates, we felt it was important to provide a very large life insurance policy to our surrogate in case anything went wrong during the pregnancy, when I contacted the woman she suggested this rider that would be tacked onto the life insurance policy, it cost around 4$ a month and it was worth the piece of mind! It was through Sunlife Financial here in Canada.

Perhaps look for someone who specializes in that kind of life insurance?

[tummymommy]

Did you say the surrogate claimed she didn't fallow the doctor's instruction? Did I understand you correctly? How do you know our surrogate.?
I hoped to accomplish that everybody should be careful when you enter into any agreement. Choose your lawyer carefully and question the lawyer. Don't go through what we went through..

I hope the other ladies chime in to answer your question. I personally don't know if your surro was not following doctors instructions or not as I don't know who she is but maybe there's more to this story than meets the eye.

[Lilkim80]

Did you say the surrogate claimed she didn't fallow the doctor's instruction? Did I understand you correctly? How do you know our surrogate.?..

Since you are not saying her name we can only assume we know who it is. Not sure who told you , that you can not say names but you can as long as you only say names and nothing else that is not slander. It is just specifically saying names.
But all of us think it is a surro who delivered around same time i did which was in september 2010

all you have to answer is this question.
did your surro deliver in 2010?

[lindarr]

Since you are not saying her name we can only assume we know who it is. Not sure who told you , that you can not say names but you can as long as you only say names and nothing else that is not slander. It is just specifically saying names.
But all of us think it is a surro who delivered around same time i did which was in september 2010

all you have to answer is this question.
did your surro deliver in 2010?

Yes, her name is Erika. Could you please wrıte to me?
iplook@lıve.com
THank you so much

[lindarr]

Since you are not saying her name we can only assume we know who it is. Not sure who told you , that you can not say names but you can as long as you only say names and nothing else that is not slander. It is just specifically saying names.
But all of us think it is a surro who delivered around same time i did which was in september 2010

all you have to answer is this question.
did your surro deliver in 2010?

No body told me especially I can'say names. I read somethiıng here before I posted anythınk else. Maybe I musunderstood wrong. Please write to me.

[actavius1]

Since you are not saying her name we can only assume we know who it is. Not sure who told you , that you can not say names but you can as long as you only say names and nothing else that is not slander. It is just specifically saying names.
But all of us think it is a surro who delivered around same time i did which was in september 2010

all you have to answer is this question.
did your surro deliver in 2010?

I am getting tired of people accusing me of things I did not do. people speculating things that are not true. I never said what I been accused of and people need to stop pointing fingers at me. yes I did deliver at 24 weeks and 5 days and no I did not recieve the rest of my compensation that my contract said I was supposed to get. When my intended parents asked me if we could stop compensation I agreed with them and it was stopped, I had to signed a legal document saying my compensation would stop and it was agreed by me and my Intended parents. I stay away from here because no matter what i say people are going to talk just because someone made an assumption of something I posted the day I was put on bedrest and than I was accused of not following drs orders and that is so untrue. Just leave my name off here.

[SliceofLime2]

So....you're name is Erica, used the same lawyer, IPs used the same lawyer, live in the same state and delivered at 24 weeks and we are supposed to believe this is NOT about you? I will eat crow if this is not your situation being posted about, but pretty sure it is.

[sillymommy]

I am getting tired of people accusing me of things I did not do. people speculating things that are not true. I never said what I been accused of and people need to stop pointing fingers at me. yes I did deliver at 24 weeks and 5 days and no I did not recieve the rest of my compensation that my contract said I was supposed to get. When my intended parents asked me if we could stop compensation I agreed with them and it was stopped, I had to signed a legal document saying my compensation would stop and it was agreed by me and my Intended parents. I stay away from here because no matter what i say people are going to talk just because someone made an assumption of something I posted the day I was put on bedrest and than I was accused of not following drs orders and that is so untrue. Just leave my name off here.

girl,
seriously, would you come and taddle on yourself?

[OkieMama]

I am getting tired of people accusing me of things I did not do. people speculating things that are not true. I never said what I been accused of and people need to stop pointing fingers at me. yes I did deliver at 24 weeks and 5 days and no I did not recieve the rest of my compensation that my contract said I was supposed to get. When my intended parents asked me if we could stop compensation I agreed with them and it was stopped, I had to signed a legal document saying my compensation would stop and it was agreed by me and my Intended parents. I stay away from here because no matter what i say people are going to talk just because someone made an assumption of something I posted the day I was put on bedrest and than I was accused of not following drs orders and that is so untrue. Just leave my name off here.

Of course it's you. A surro named Erica who delivered twins at 24wks that didn't live, using the same attorney with the same contract.... But it's not you? Right.

And I think part of what makes people speculate so much is that you were seen at an SMO GTG in Houston after you posted on SMO that you were on doctor-ordered bed rest.

[actavius1]

Of course it's you. A surro named Erica who delivered twins at 24wks that didn't live, using the same attorney with the same contract.... But it's not you? Right.

And I think part of what makes people speculate so much is that you were seen at an SMO GTG in Houston after you posted on SMO that you were on doctor-ordered bed rest.

This is what I am talking about people say one thing that they are not even sure about and everyone starts going with that. and no I was not on an smo gtg in houston after I posted about been on doctored order bedrest. I went to the get together before that and I was only put on bedrest because my

[QUOTE=actavius1;2082428]My appointment went well today. My IM was so excited and couldnt stop talking about how good I look and she couldnt believe how round and big my belly is. Everything is doing good. Babies are great. They did a vaginal ultrasound to check my cervix and it is nice and long and close. Baby girl is still breech and she spread her legs open and doctor said yeap she is still a girl you could see her girly parts really good everything. the little boy he is on top of her so we couldnt see him cuz it was just a vaginal ultrasound. the doctor said I am healthy and the babies are healthy. so far I have gained 18 pounds. Their hearts are nice and strong and they kept kicking specially the boy he is on top and he did not like the heart monitor. so he keept kicking it and moving away from it. It was great to see my IM and talk to her. He loved seeing the baby girl at least a little bit.

Ok so after having painful contractions last night and I call the doctor and left a message. the nurse call me today and said they got my test back for the Fetal fibronectin test came back positive. So with the painful contractions and the positive test I am put on Proventil and on strick bedrest for two weeks and after the two weeks I will see the doctor and see if I am taken off bedrest. Bedrest sucks and i have only been on it for 4 hours. I am only 22 weeks. I hope it is only for two weeks and not longer.

http://www.surromomsonline.com/suppo...Snuggle+Babies
date is 6/10/2010 at 2:03 pm.

the houston gtg was the weekend of June 5, june 6th so no I was not on a houston gtg after I was put on bedrest. People can go and look at all my post their are here. I cant go and search because I changed my email address on here so I have new user status now. I have nothing to hide. If this is my IM on here than that is ok. I agree that the gestation age should be change to 28 weeks or 30 weeks or more.

I carried twins boy/girl
they were born at 24 weeks 5 days on june 29th 2010. I pumped for my surro twins until august of 2010 and that is when my compensation stopped. I had to signed a paper from the lawyer closing everything and agreed to stop compensation after august of 2010. i agreed with my IPs that it wasnt fair to continue to received compensation after my surro twins had passed away. which was august of 2010. I have no reason to lie. I followed drs orders like I was told. I was on bedrest and can only get up to used the restroom or eat and take showers and I took medicine and I followed all those instructions. I do get mad of all the lies that get put on here about me. but I cant control what people post. I am moving on from here and surrogacy all together. Have a nice and happy journeys everyone.

[lindarr]

I can't believe that a lawyer would leave this out. To be perfectly honest, I could understand where loosing the baby early is not even in an IP's thought process. If you were new to surrogacy you wouldn't just say, "excuse me, you left ..... out." That is what a lawyer is there for.

Hopefully this will help other ip's out in the future!

That is correct. Thank you so much. The lawyer didn't even write anything about the premature birth. There was nothing about this, not a word. How are we suppose to know and warn her " please put this" just in case if babies die?

[Newtothis]

Totally unrelated question, but Erika, is English your first language?

[MadKatsMom]

Totally unrelated question, but Erika, is English your first language?

I don't believe it is. I think she has posted that before.

[actavius1]

Totally unrelated question, but Erika, is English your first language?

No English is not my first language.

My main point was that I dont know if this is my IM or not but my Intended mother's name is not Linda. I also did not recieved the rest of the compensation after I had my surro twins and is something that got agreed by me and my IM. My compensation stopped on August 2010 after I was asked to stop pumping and my IM was ok with me donating the breastmilk to the breastmilk bank. If that is my IM she an contact me if she has more questions. But I signed all the release forms she wanted and got my medical records she wanted, I have nothing to hide.

[MaCalledLa]

Well as much as it sucks, if the contract wasn't clear with a cutoff or anything then the comp would still be owed. It might not be ethical in the eyes of most of us for her to want it but sounds legal if everyone signed the contract. If the contract was "stupid" it shouldn't have been signed by anyone.

Please don't think I'm trying to be harsh. I'm just trying to throw aome different perspective on it in a devils advocate line of way. If she fulfilled her end of things before the birth in a contract everyone agreed on then she did nothing wrong technically. I personally couldn't insist on it but it sounds like she could legally.

It really does stink for these people. I could and would never take an additional penny from them, if the babies did not survive. Isn't surrogacy not supposed to be a person's sole income? I thought that was why Agencies and REs did not allow woman/families who were on any type of public assistance to become surrogates? I have seen other blogs where surrogates were strongly warned by other surrogates that they shouldn't depend on the surrogacy income.

I get the devil's advocate point, but at some point, you just have to be compassionate! I mean isn't that supposed to be the root of why a woman becomes a surrogate? This money was no money lost to her. She is no longer carrying, therefor, there should not be a reason why she should NEED to be compensated for the pregnancy. If there is cost to the surrogate, then I definitely believe the IPs should pay those costs, but simply to pay for babies that no longer live; I don't agree!

I am so sorry for your loss!!!!!

[MaCalledLa]

I am pretty certain what she means is that she paid her attorney to do the "legal" work expecting him/her to look out for her. Because if she understood every nuance of every law, what would she need to pay him/her for? I totally get that. She wasn't saying that she didn't need a lawyer or would not have retained one had she herself been a lawyer. This whole thing sucks. Yes legally the surro is entitled to all monies, but morally, I think its crap. Just my opinion. Its another lesson learned that in surrogacy your only real advocate (IP or surro) is YOU. Educate yourself as much as you can and ask all questions before signing.

You are SPOT ON! This is exactly what I hear! I believe the IM is not saying that she would not need a lawyer, but that she is not a lawyer and can not be expected to understand everything the way it is intended. Sadly these contracts are typically 30-40 pages long and repeat themselves a lot. I think it is very easy to believe you understand something, only to find out it is not what you think. The attorney should know the very basics of what should be covered and make SURE they hit every point with the couple. The couple should have researched surrogacy long enough that they knew the very large points of interest. This is ONE! Between the two of them knowing to highlight these specific areas, there should not have been a reason why it was not gone over correctly, until understood.

I also believe the IM is only reaching our to vent and to try to warn other IPs that this does happen. When something goes terribly wrong in a surrogacy, both the IPs and I would hope the surrogates would feel compelled to give a heads up to the others in their community.

[pixieheart]

I'm so so sorry for your loss. An early los this can sure put a strain on an both the IPs and the surrogate.

I've been through a few different sticky situations and all you can really do is learn from them. My first surrogacy turned out pretty bad. My first surrobaby passed away two days after birth. She had a chromosome problem that was undiagnosed before birth. It was a c=section too. I was 35 weeks at that time so I did get full compensation. There were a few times we had issues regarding my comp after that one.

My worst comp problem was with a couple were I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks and delivered at 11 weeks via D&C. There were quite a few problems with comp.

I learned from each mistake and made sure to make all the changes on any furture contracts and journeys. As for me, there is no way I could have accepted full comp in your situation. I know all my contracts state 28 weeks with multiples. Even if it didn't, I would have accepted 24 weeks and maybe a little for pain and suffering.

I hope all turns out okay and you get to try again to get your little baby in your arms.

Take time to heal and take things day by day. It can be really rough at first. I am sending love and prayers your way.

[lindarr]

It really does stink for these people. I could and would never take an additional penny from them, if the babies did not survive. Isn't surrogacy not supposed to be a person's sole income? I thought that was why Agencies and REs did not allow woman/families who were on any type of public assistance to become surrogates? I have seen other blogs where surrogates were strongly warned by other surrogates that they shouldn't depend on the surrogacy income.

I get the devil's advocate point, but at some point, you just have to be compassionate! I mean isn't that supposed to be the root of why a woman becomes a surrogate? This money was no money lost to her. She is no longer carrying, therefor, there should not be a reason why she should NEED to be compensated for the pregnancy. If there is cost to the surrogate, then I definitely believe the IPs should pay those costs, but simply to pay for babies that no longer live; I don't agree!

I am so sorry for your loss!!!!!

Thank you so much. What ever you say is so correct. This is the reason I started warning people to be careful. If the contract doesn't protect people (That means pay whether a surrogate carries the baby/babies up to 24 or 38 weeks) some people take adventage of you. No compassion at all in our case. I didn't even write about the surrogate until I saw the lies.
Thank you for sharing.

[lindarr]

You are SPOT ON! This is exactly what I hear! I believe the IM is not saying that she would not need a lawyer, but that she is not a lawyer and can not be expected to understand everything the way it is intended. Sadly these contracts are typically 30-40 pages long and repeat themselves a lot. I think it is very easy to believe you understand something, only to find out it is not what you think. The attorney should know the very basics of what should be covered and make SURE they hit every point with the couple. The couple should have researched surrogacy long enough that they knew the very large points of interest. This is ONE! Between the two of them knowing to highlight these specific areas, there should not have been a reason why it was not gone over correctly, until understood.

I also believe the IM is only reaching our to vent and to try to warn other IPs that this does happen. When something goes terribly wrong in a surrogacy, both the IPs and I would hope the surrogates would feel compelled to give a heads up to the others in their community.

Exactly!!! All I was trying to do this.
There was nothing about the premature birth in the contract. Despite the lawyer's lack of knowledge or neglect; we should have researched more.
That's why I am here to warn people before it's too late.
Thank you for making it clear for people.