What Would You Do?

[shadow2356]

I am an IM. I have been trying to do a surrogacy for over a year. We finally got to transfer in Dec (SET) but my GS miscarried in Jan. We are getting ready to do an FET and we have gotten the calendar from the RE, signed consents and I have paid the RE clinic.

My GS emailed me tonight that she may have to wait at least 90 days because her job put her on probation because she missed days due to the miscarriage. It really is only a 2 month wait since the FET was scheduled for 5/22. My worry is that we are going to have another bedrest situation and she will lose her job. That would be terrible for her, but also she would lose her medical insurance.

So I am not sure what to do. I feel like this whole thing has been me spending huge sums of money for nothing but disappointment. I have 5 frozen embryos that were a fortune to create (donor egg) and I would love to have the opportunity to have this work.

Have any other IPs had this situation? If so, what did you do?

[montanakate]

I am so sorry for all your disapointments and heartbreaks getting to this point. Have you talked to your gs about your fears regarding her job? If it is that tenuous, she might be having her own doubts and worries about continuing with the surrogacy as well. Just a thought, I don't claim to have been in the same situation. Good luck and congratulations on having some frozen embryos!

[hideaway2090]

Her job put her on probation for missing work due to a miscarriage? WOW..what would they do with all the missed work due to a pregnancy? Even an uneventful one will cause her to miss work at some point. What about maternity leave? It sounds like her job is more unstable than most.

I'm sorry but as a former IM, I personally couldn't work with a surrogate who has a job like that. I'd be so worried all the time about her losing her job because she's helping me. I'd never want my surrogate to take that kind of chance because of me.

I know surrogates choose to take risks for us, and I'm forever grateful for that, but something like this that more than likely will be a problem should make you wary. Maybe she can discuss her desires to be a surrogate with her boss and see what they would do? if it's too much of a risk, she shouldn't continue.

[Newtothis]

It sounds highly unlikely to get put on probabtion for a one time thing related to something medical. Sounds like there were things that happened before. All kinds of things can happen in a pregnancy and a surro needs a job that allows that. If it were me, and this is only my opinion, I would find a surro that had a secure job before proceeding. You have to much at stake financially and emotionally here.

[Juliana]

It sounds highly unlikely to get put on probabtion for a one time thing related to something medical. Sounds like there were things that happened before. All kinds of things can happen in a pregnancy and a surro needs a job that allows that. If it were me, and this is only my opinion, I would find a surro that had a secure job before proceeding. You have to much at stake financially and emotionally here.

I completely agree. I wonder if she's had many other absences prior to the miscarriage. Regardless, even though I'm a GS, I would not proceed with a GS in that situation, as an IM. There are far too many what-ifs to take that kind of risk (both on the part of the GS's family and IPs as well).

Good luck!

[Lowboy Love]

Cant your GS apply for FLMA and have the RE fill out the paper work for it so if she has to take time off her job is protected?