Strict 1 support person rule

[Madison11]

So I just found out that my hospital will only allow 1 support person into the Operating Room where they require all twin deliveries to take place, regardless of vaginal or c-section delivery. No switching support people back and forth either.

I have two children of my own, 1 by section the other vaginally. Both required >2hours of pushing. I have been given the option to try vaginal delivery with the twins (assuming A is vertex) or opt for a section.

Should I plan who can support me now or wait and play it by ear? My contract allows for my preference. I would like make this decision now, and have it set but I am worried in the intensity of the moment I may change my mind. I don't want to risk a bad decision or hurt anyone's feelings.

Obviously I would like IPs and husband to all be there, and can see the advantages/disadvantages of either choice.

So I guess I want to know, in my position would you decide now or wait? Would your preference change if it was a vaginal/c-section?

[Erinaya]

Personally I would prefer my husband or partner to be there with me in the event that any bad happens they can make medical decisions for me. The IPs will have the rest of their lives with the babies. I know it sucks for them to miss the birth. Mine were international and didn;t arrive until 12 hours after I delivered their twins. They were just happy everything went smoothly and I had DH there to support me.

[twinlioness]

So I just found out that my hospital will only allow 1 support person into the Operating Room where they require all twin deliveries to take place, regardless of vaginal or c-section delivery. No switching support people back and forth either.

I have two children of my own, 1 by section the other vaginally. Both required >2hours of pushing. I have been given the option to try vaginal delivery with the twins (assuming A is vertex) or opt for a section.

Should I plan who can support me now or wait and play it by ear? My contract allows for my preference. I would like make this decision now, and have it set but I am worried in the intensity of the moment I may change my mind. I don't want to risk a bad decision or hurt anyone's feelings.

Obviously I would like IPs and husband to all be there, and can see the advantages/disadvantages of either choice.

So I guess I want to know, in my position would you decide now or wait? Would your preference change if it was a vaginal/c-section?

What a tough choice. Could you opt for your DH during labor and IP's during delivery if its vaginal?

Also, have you tried to speak to the higher ups about the rule? We were repeatedly told that during a C-section only one support person was allowed no questions. I spoke to a few higher ups and brought up the fact that their competitor's policy was much more surro friendly. They admitted it was a rule they had not revisited and once they did we were approved and the rule changed going forward. Its worth a shot!!

Good luck to you and only you can decide whats best.

[2boys1princess]

There are a ton of threads on this subject. Do what is best for YOU and not everyone else.

[Denise K.]

That is the rule at my hospital also. So with my last set of surro twinkies, I was having a difficult time deciding. I really needed my husband by my side but I wanted at least my IM to witness the birth of her babies! My OB said he would be completely fine for all three husband, and IPs to be in there but it is up to the anesthesiologist, you know he runs the OR So day of delivery and I was still worried about it and was leaning toward my IM but then I just knew I needed my sweetheart. She went and found the anesth. and he said "well of course all of you have to be in there!" So all the frustration for months for no reason...lol It was awesome and top it off I got to deliver them vaginally! Then, 2 years later with new IPs, we went on hospital tour and met with Director of L&D to talk about the day of delivery and stuff. She said there would no problem and it is standard at that hospital now to allow all 3 parties in there for a surrogacy Do not loose hope

[Kakaji]

What a tough choice. Could you opt for your DH during labor and IP's during delivery if its vaginal?

Also, have you tried to speak to the higher ups about the rule? We were repeatedly told that during a C-section only one support person was allowed no questions. I spoke to a few higher ups and brought up the fact that their competitor's policy was much more surro friendly. They admitted it was a rule they had not revisited and once they did we were approved and the rule changed going forward. Its worth a shot!!

Good luck to you and only you can decide whats best.

ITA, just wanted to add that you might talk with the L&D social worker to get a feel for who might be your best advocate, they should know who makes the calls and their personalities. Good luck!

[jens_gs]

My hospital has the same policy as well....for regular situations. I have had 3 people with me through all my deliveries there, including c-sections. I would ask the hospital what their policy is in this type of situation. You might not have to decide between them.

[luvmy4]

My hospital has the same policy. However, surrogacy is not your typical situation. My Dr went to the hospital, presented our "case" and explained to them, the anesthesiologist (who apparently makes the decision) and the legal staff, all about surrogacy. They were willing to waive AND put in writing, that both IP's will be allowed in the OR for the babies, and I will be allowed my own support person. Unless an emergency happens then all of them would be kicked out.

It never hurts to ask or petition the hospital and explain the situation. The "worst" they can do is say no, but then again, they might surprise you. For us, if I would have only been allowed 1 in the OR and not be an emergency situation, one of my IP's would have been in there, though DH would be available "just in case". If an emergency were to pop up, everyone knows that I want DH there.

[LauraElizabeth]

My hospital had the same policy. In the end, my IM, IF, and DH ended up in the operating room.

My mind changed so many times as to who I wanted in there with me since I was thinking I could only have one person. I would have been a nervous/anxious wreck if I would have had to stick to a previously made decision. I mostly wanted DH, but in the very moment of getting ready to push, I changed my mind to IM. It was an emotional decision and I am so happy to have made it. I would have hated to miss the look of her daughter being born- it was absolutely PRICELESS.

[Pixiechick]

Ours has a 1 person rule too, but usually they will bend if they have mild mannered patients and guests (to one other person only). I asked if my IP's and husband could be there. Standard answer was "NO" but OB says it would actually depend. For now, I have in my contract, that my husband is my support person during a C-section.

[Kristinatx9]

There was a thread about this not long ago with great advice, support and opinions I would try to look it up if I were you.

I will say that I didn't prepare for that situation because I was in denial till the very end that I was going to have a c-section. Since I had the first set vaginally I really thought it was gonna happen again so when I went into labor at 35wks my labor progressed quickly by the time they got done with the sono to check the babies positions I was hanging on to the bed rail in full blow labor, I felt sick and my blood pressure was going wacky. At that point they said I could only have two people in the room and I was in no position to sit there and have a conversation about it honestly at that point I couldn't even think and didn't even care. I allowed for my IP's to make the choice and they choose for my IM and my hubby to be in the room and I am so thankful that they choose for him to be there because I truly needed him.

[sillymommy]

We were also told one support person for even a vaginal twin birth. When the actually time came last minute they decided a second person could be in the or with me. I still didn't choose my husband, I was feeling calm so I let both my IP's go. I think If I had been super nervous I would have chosen my husband.


I think it is wise to go ahead and choose one person, if it ends up changing thats great but at least you wont spend your pregnancy worring. When we were told one person, I did make sure it was okay with my husband. He said he witnessed his children's birth and didn't want to take that from my ip's. But, honestly, just make sure you are comfortable, its not something you can control.

[Madison11]

Thanks everyone for their responses, I did read the previous threads on the subject, and they were filled with good advice on who the one person they chose as the support person, and why. Thanks again to everyone who offered new insight.

I did ask around with my Dr, the social worker and everyone else the hospital suggested, and it looks like its a pretty strict policy. They said they were willing to let more people in the recovery room, but that is as much flexibility as they allow.

[SherryT]

Laura,

What's most important is that your needs are taken care of during the delivery. If you're on the fence about it, I suggest being honest with your couple about it and making the decision when you are sure.

At the hospital I will deliver at, the anesthesiologist makes the final decision in the event of a vaginal delivery. I'm hoping for one who is understanding about our situation.

[Catie62577]

I really think you have to choose the person that will be the best support/advocate for YOU. Depending on your relationship your IP may or may not be that person. Surgery is scary and anything can happen. If the hospital won't bend the rule at all you need to pick a person that you trust 100% and who can make decisions for you should something terrible happen.

I know there are others that disagree with me but I really think that the person giving birth takes priority.

[pixieheart]

I never had multiples but I have had 2 c-sections with my surropregnancies.

My husband has let it be known from the very beginning that he is always the first person to be in the OR for a c-section. He wouldn't have it any other way so it was always clearly stated to all intended parents that this was the case. It was also clearly listed on all contracts.

My deliveries:

#1 surrogirl - emergency c-section. My husband and IM were allowed in. It was a small town hospital so not to many rules.

#2 surrogirl - VBAC - just husband. IPs live 15 hours away and didn't make it in time.

#3 surrogirl -VBAC - local couple. VBAC. Wasn't that close to IPs so actually delivery was a little awkward but it was the best and easiest delivery of all.

#4 surrogirl - repeat c-section - sibling to (#2 surrogirl) - again IPs couldn't get here in time so it was just my husband in with me for the c-section.

So in the end, I didn't have anything to worry about.

[geminidrea77]

I always ask this of my IP's very early on. With my first surrogacy the IP's missed the birth I delivered alone hubby stayed with our boys the hospital I delivered at for both told us we could have 3 support people because of the surrogacy and c-section which ended up being hubby and IP's with surro twins

[kmoore86]

Dont play it by ear. Decide who you want to SUPPORT *you* and tell your IPs as soon as possible so that they have as much time as possible to let it sink in and makes plans before the birth. I chose my dh. My IM was not happy about it but she and her dh were allowed to wait just outside the door and the babies were taken to them IMEDIATELY after they were born (not even wiped off) in the OR recovery room. I had a vaginal twin delivery and believe me that when I had a totally unexpected hemorrhage that started after the first twin was delivered I was glad that my dh was there with me.

[lbbmama]

I have a whole different opinion on this. Since I work at the hospital, I get to pick my anesthesiologist (yay!!) and I have 2 in mind who are wonderful & have said I can page/call them anytime. In fact, they work with me closely & know my opinions on critical situations, including when I would want a blood transfusion & other interventions. I love my DH dearly, but he will be no help in a really critical situation. He is likely to pass out & be on the floor.

All that being said, IM will definitely be in the room with me. DH, if allowed. (Anesthesia said it should be fine.) If all 3 can be there, then IF will also. For us, that is what I am comfortable with....but you have to decide what will work best for you. Good luck!

[Juliana]

There is no question I would have had my IM there with me, regardless of whether it were vaginal or c-section. With that said, I don't think it you would be wrong to have your DH with you.

I didn't read all the posts, but you may want to contact the hospital social worker regarding the strict one person rule. You might be surprised by their flexibility if you push it.

Good luck!