If you were one of your hospitals "firsts"

[jujee]

I am from a small town, and my hospital has had little to no experience with Surrogacy. I am wondering for those of you who have been through this, what was your delivery experience like?

I am curious as to how this will go... if they will treat my IPs like they are the actual parents, if they will be supportive, etc.

I know so far (as far as my OB staff, u/s techs etc.) I have had mixed reactions.

What was it like for you?

[Ladybug6762]

I was a 'first' for my hospital and everything went wonderfully. At about 20 weeks we all met with the head nurse and social worker to go over and explain the situation. We didn't deal with anyone that wasn't supportive, they treated the IP's like the parents, but also treated me with respect as well. Both IP's and myself and my husband were all given wristbands, so we could see the babies whenever we wanted. The nursery staff and the OB nurses were all fantastic, and I actually missed them when I left the hospital It was funny when checking in the morning of delivery we had to meet with registration and get them all the insurance info. for the babies and myself, so it was myself and the IF that went into the tiny little office. I gave the lady my insurance card and then IF gave her his card for the babies, and she was a bit confused as to why the babies were not going on my plan when I had a family plan. She then referred to IF as my husband, and I said, "my husband is out in the waiting room, this is the babies' dad". The look was priceless....by that time I was just having fun messing with people

[LauraElizabeth]

I will be honest and say everyone was wonderful to our face, but we were treated differently. One thing that irritated me was that the babies didn't get the 'new baby' gifts that everyone receives. And I went back 2 weeks later when my bf was having her baby and the nurses were quick to comment about my IPs. My OB was wonderful and I believe that the staff had been prepped(everyone knew who we were and seemed to be expecting us). The insurance information was not handled properly and we had to sort that out later. Overall it was a good experience, but it was definitely a learning experience for me and them.

[MadKatsMom]

I am from a small town, and my hospital has had little to no experience with Surrogacy. I am wondering for those of you who have been through this, what was your delivery experience like?

I am curious as to how this will go... if they will treat my IPs like they are the actual parents, if they will be supportive, etc.

I know so far (as far as my OB staff, u/s techs etc.) I have had mixed reactions.

What was it like for you?

For my first surrogacy I was the hospital's first and as far as I am aware ONLY surrogate. It was a very small catholic hospital.

I was VERY concerned because I was carrying for a gay couple. They brought one of their sisters with them so we all thought it was best to let everyone assume she was the mom. However.. after about 12 hours, we gave it up... I had a c-section and was on a PCA pump of pain meds. I woke up one time to find a catholic nun BLESSING the baby AND his fathers! I damn near fell out of bed. I worked for that hospital and knew how conservative the sisters were so I was SHOCKED beyond belief.

Our nurses were wonderful and I only had one nurse who just didn't really know how to handle it. She was still very sweet and kind, but I could tell she was very worried about me "giving up" the baby and when she wheeled me out she kept making sure I was ok. It was honestly a really great experience.

[Juliana]

I am still in complete and utter shock about how amazing our hospital and staff were. They accommodated us in every possible way and treated us all with the dignity and respect we deserved. Whenever they weren't sure what to do or say, they just asked us what we were comfortable with and everyone was happy.

I am SO lucky to live nearby such a wonderful hospital.

[2daughters]

My IPs and I were our hospitals 'first'. The nurse coordinator was WONDERFUL with all of us. I went to speak to her when we were about 20 weeks so they could make sure they were prepared and she made so many phone calls to make sure she was all ready. I visited her again at 30 weeks and she told me how much progress she had made and showed me that she had put together a little file for us so she would be all prepared for the big day. When my IPs came to town at 37 weeks we all had a little meeting and she went over everything with us (wrist/ankle bands, first bath, asked how WE wanted things done after birth so she could make sure everything went smoothly) and took us to the billing department to explain it all to them. She walked us aruond and introduced us to most of the nurses and told all of them if she wasn't working when I went into labor she wanted them to call her at home. Everyone was very wonderful and excited to have us at the hospital.
Several weeks after the birth I had to have a d&c for some retained placenta and the CEO heard I was waiting and came down to introduce himself and thanked me for using the hospital.
Just make sure you go and 'warn' the hospital and L&D unit beforehand so they have time to prepare. It takes a lot of paperwork on their part and you want to make sure they have time to make all the calls to find out what they need to do.

[montanakate]

I had sort of a similar experience recently. I live in a very small town where I don't know of anyone who has done a surrogacy from our greater area--there may be some, but I doubt it. We will actually be delivering any potential babies in TX, but I need some monitoring for the egg retreival from here. Anyways, I recently went in for my baseline ultrasound and was told that although they didn't neccessarily agree with what I was doing, they agreed to do the scan to help me with my "scheme"--see pinched-lemon face. I am actually a bit impressed that they were able to sort through all of the potential reasons I could be asking for an ultrasound and so astutely come up with the correct reason--a scheme for world domination, one morally-decayed fetus at a time! It honestly was a little unnerving to be found so lacking so quickly, but as I was never seeking their approval, I really don't care. Plus, when the immoral little fetuses finally attack, I will have my ultimate revenge!

[2+2surro]

I also met up with the social worker and head nurse. I sat and talked with both. Shared how my prior experiences went. It helped them to know we are "normal". I also had my IM meet them when she came to town. We ended up having a very good experience.
I really think it's always best with new or old to go meet them prior. Ask questions let them know what you hope to have as an experience.

[MommytoTwoBoys]

I was one of my hospitals "known ahead of time" firsts. (The hospital had had surrogates, but never clued the staff into any of it until after the birth.) My IP's contacted the Patient Care Coordinator and explained our situation. We had a meeting with her, the social worker, head of billing, head RN on L & D, lactation nurse, etc., just so that everyone was on the same page with expectations and roles. It was also comforting to all of us to be able to be a "face", not just a name. Come time for delivery, everyone knew what to expect and what to do, who was "Mom", where the baby went, etc. Great experience!

[cousinmommy]

I will be the first for my hospital this time. I'm anticipating a good experience. My OB and his nurse are great. I already know about half the staff at the hospital. The head nurse in L&D thinks when I carried before (although didn't deliver here) it was fantastic. She was going to carry for her sister a year or two before that but the sister was finally able to get pregnant and carry on her own. I've also known this nurse my whole life so she should be a pretty good advocate for me.

[jujee]

I think I would feel silly just randomly walking into L&D saying "Hey, I'm a surrogate and I'm going to be delivering in a couple months, just wanted to let you know." LOL

How did you approach them without sounding like a weirdo?

[cousinmommy]

I think I would feel silly just randomly walking into L&D saying "Hey, I'm a surrogate and I'm going to be delivering in a couple months, just wanted to let you know." LOL

How did you approach them without sounding like a weirdo?

My IPs will be here on Monday for the big u/s. We are also going to go to the hospital so they can check it out. We will be giving them a heads up when we are there. I'll let you know how it goes.

[Juliana]

I think I would feel silly just randomly walking into L&D saying "Hey, I'm a surrogate and I'm going to be delivering in a couple months, just wanted to let you know." LOL

How did you approach them without sounding like a weirdo?

I called and asked to speak with the nurse manager. I left her a voice mail giving her a brief synopsis of the situation and asked her to call me back. My IM and I also toured the facility together shortly before the delivery and we were able to meet people then.

[tm501]

For my 1st surrogacy, my IM called the hospital when I was about 5 months along. She spoke to the nursing supervisor on the maternity floor and explained everything in great deal. Even though they are a decent size hospital, they never dealt with a surrogacy before. IM kept checking in with the lady every few weeks just to keep everything fresh in her mind. We did bring a copy of the pbo with us just in case (we didn't need it)

The only glitch we had was when they were banding the baby. They only had a band for the baby and 2 for the parents and kept trying to put it on me even though they knew I wasn't the parent.

They were great about giving my IP's their own room and stuff like that.

[jujee]

I already spoke with my doctor about trying to get a seperate room for my IPs and he said it probably wasn't going to happen... but we'll see.

[EmmaLexiMomma]

We were the first surrogacy bit they had done adoption. The social worker in our interview and tour kept saying morrow adoption type statements but once I got there to deliver it was smooth sailing. Most nurses were just curious as to how I came to the decision. I never felt like a birth mom or like my IP's were mistreated.

[dahlia]

I am still in complete and utter shock about how amazing our hospital and staff were. They accommodated us in every possible way and treated us all with the dignity and respect we deserved. Whenever they weren't sure what to do or say, they just asked us what we were comfortable with and everyone was happy.

I am SO lucky to live nearby such a wonderful hospital.

This was my experience as well. I was my hospital's second, and my OB & MW's first. There was only one uncomfortable situation with a nurse who was older and didn't get it at all. Everyone else treated us with total respect. I felt very supported and was very greatful for the hospital's accommodations.

[dahlia]

I think I would feel silly just randomly walking into L&D saying "Hey, I'm a surrogate and I'm going to be delivering in a couple months, just wanted to let you know." LOL

How did you approach them without sounding like a weirdo?

I had my OB call up front to see what kind of accommodations could be made. We wanted my IPs to have their own room and to make sure I would also have access to the babies. We also wanted to make sure the hospital had our PBO on file. The hospital has a social worker on staff who made appointments with me and with my IPs much like they would for an adoption arrangement. Even though we were their second experience with surrogacy, they hadn't made a policy for handling it. I think we actually helped them create an official policy, actually.

[RobsChica]

I think I would feel silly just randomly walking into L&D saying "Hey, I'm a surrogate and I'm going to be delivering in a couple months, just wanted to let you know." LOL

How did you approach them without sounding like a weirdo?

"What up ya'll, Surrogate in the HOUSE!" No? Too much?

I had sort of a similar experience recently. I live in a very small town where I don't know of anyone who has done a surrogacy from our greater area--there may be some, but I doubt it. We will actually be delivering any potential babies in TX, but I need some monitoring for the egg retreival from here. Anyways, I recently went in for my baseline ultrasound and was told that although they didn't neccessarily agree with what I was doing, they agreed to do the scan to help me with my "scheme"--see pinched-lemon face. I am actually a bit impressed that they were able to sort through all of the potential reasons I could be asking for an ultrasound and so astutely come up with the correct reason--a scheme for world domination, one morally-decayed fetus at a time! It honestly was a little unnerving to be found so lacking so quickly, but as I was never seeking their approval, I really don't care. Plus, when the immoral little fetuses finally attack, I will have my ultimate revenge!

Kate, you're so much nicer than me. I would have invented new things to call the pinched-face person and none of them would have been complimentary.

[jujee]

"What up ya'll, Surrogate in the HOUSE!" No? Too much?

Yes I think that would be much better.