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Thread: Becoming a surrogate with no prior pregnancies?

  1. #1
    vobilli

    Default Becoming a surrogate with no prior pregnancies?

    I have considered becoming a surrogate for a gay/lesbian couple for several years, and I've finally decided that this is something I want to do. I've just begun seriously researching my options and it seems that most, if not all centers require the surrogate to have previously given birth.

    I have never given birth. My husband and I do not want children in our lives, but he supports my decision to help a homosexual couple make a family. Is this going to keep me from my dream (I just can't tell you how badly I want to do this, but I'm sure you've all felt the same!) or is there hope? At this point I'm devastated :broken:

  2. #2
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    Unfourtantly you will be hard pressed to find a RE that will work with you as a GS, being that you have no history of pregnancy. You may have better luck with being a TS, but you may have to look harder and longer for Ip's to work with, and you also have no proven fertility.

    Good Luck!

  3. #3
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    :agree: with what she said!! There just isn't anyway that an RE would allow you to be a surrogate without already having carried any children. It would be way too risky for them...as they would not know what to expect with your pregnancy. Sorry...

  4. #4
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    A girlfriend of mine managed to be a surro for some friends of hers, and she had never had children. She said the same thing that you did...she didn't want any kids of her own, but wanted to help them, and wanted to have a pregnancy, just didn't want her own children.

    She said that it was the HARDEST thing she's ever done, and that she had to sever all ties with her friends and the baby because it was so devastating for her, even though they initally had planned to have an open relationship. And, BTW, she now has 2 children of her own. Doing a surrogacy made her realize that she DID want her own children, and she said it about killed her to give that child to the couple because she was not prepared for the emotions that she had.

    Based on her experience, I would NOT recommend doing a surrogacy unless you've already had a child and know better how you will be able to cope with the physical and emotional ride that goes with it.

    Just my $.02


    GSx1 - :boy: 8/3/12

    "Hell, I'll do it for a Dyson." - OkieMama

  5. #5
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    there are REs that will allow a surro who's never had children- However, to my knowledge it has been a relative like a sister.

    Baby Daniel arrived 11/16/2008 on his daddy's birthday. 37 weeks and 5 days

  6. #6
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    The other issue with being a surrogate without having completed your own family is that if you end up losing part or ALL of your reproductive system, you are totally screwed. That is a very high price to pay for someone else's happiness. As surrogates, we realize that it's a possibility, but 99% of us are done with our own families. If I couldn't ever get pregnant again then I'm really okay with that. Surrogacy is not something to go into lightly or quickly. You have plenty of time.
    Jenni
    Momma to Kaleb, Hannah & Ezrah
    Birthmomma to Ladybug
    Slowly searching for GS IPs for 2013

  7. #7
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    That is a VERY good point Jenni. I know I get frustrated with surros who say I'm not done having children because the risk is all too real.

    Baby Daniel arrived 11/16/2008 on his daddy's birthday. 37 weeks and 5 days

  8. #8
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    I thought I was done when I started this journey but we have now decided to have another one after. I have two children and one who passed. If I was unable to have another then I would feel like this was just the way it was suppose to be. But that being said I do have two that are very healthy... I wouldnt do it without having had my own first
    GS x3 singleton boy and two sets of twin boys

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by SarahNC View Post
    A girlfriend of mine managed to be a surro for some friends of hers, and she had never had children. She said the same thing that you did...she didn't want any kids of her own, but wanted to help them, and wanted to have a pregnancy, just didn't want her own children.

    She said that it was the HARDEST thing she's ever done, and that she had to sever all ties with her friends and the baby because it was so devastating for her, even though they initally had planned to have an open relationship. And, BTW, she now has 2 children of her own. Doing a surrogacy made her realize that she DID want her own children, and she said it about killed her to give that child to the couple because she was not prepared for the emotions that she had.

    Based on her experience, I would NOT recommend doing a surrogacy unless you've already had a child and know better how you will be able to cope with the physical and emotional ride that goes with it.

    Just my $.02
    I'm going to agree with this poster. It sounds like her friend had a traumatic experience being a surrogate before being a mother herself. :(

    For me, the post-partum emotions with my surroson were HARD. It wasn't that I wanted to keep him, but an overwhelming combination of hormones and the end of a journey. Thankfully, I had my own son to focus on. I don't know what I would have done if I'd had to go back to an empty house. :(

    Proud milk donor since 04/11/08 for my surroson, my milk baby,
    & my milk baby's in-utero sibling-to-be! 20+ months of EPing now! :spin:

  10. #10
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    If I were a friend of yours, I would support you if you decided to do this, but I would first try hard to convince you not to do it. As pp said, there's no way to know how you will feel until you do it. It's a HUGE risk to take...emotionally, physically and reproductively. It's been done, maybe she'll see this and post, but it wasn't easy. As for the RE doing it...it can be done as well. Best of luck to you!

    Thanks for the siggy, delphi!

  11. #11
    CariHa is offline letting life settle down.
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    I too an a first time surro but I have never been pregnant before. I do have proven fertility through egg donations but never actually been pregnant. My IP's actually found me through my egg donation classified that I have on SMO. Little did she know when she asked that I had been toying with the subject for years and had just turned away a couple that wanted a business transaction for a child. I had considered being a TS for a couple that I donated to back in 2002 and I have always wanted to be a GS. It has happened and I am finally making my first TS journey. I am ready but it has taken years to get me to this point and I have a lot of experience with being a mom. My ex partner and I had a little girl together and my current partner and I met when her (now our) son came home from the hospital. I do not think that I would be able to continue with this journey if I did not have my own family. I am content with my roll of SAHM to our amazing 16 month old. He has down syndrome so he takes all our attention and I can't let anything get in the way of his progress and my attention to him. He as well as my friends will be a huge distraction for me at the end of all this. My IP's want me to be involved but honestly I don't know yet how much I really want to be involved. All of my friends are very supportive of this. My best friend is an adopted child who has a wonderful relationship with her parents. She is of course is soooo supportive of what I am doing. My situation is a little different even thought it's similiar. Maybe you should start with something like egg donation. I had a close enough relationship with one of my IM's that I was able to see the child that was produced from my eggs. That too helped me to know that I would be okay through this journey. Just make sure that you are doing it for ALL the right reasons. Money clouded my view of surrogacy for at least the first year...I would just suggest started with something smaller and much easier to deal with before you get into something like this.....

    I am new to this so I don't know how good my advice is. I can only give you my personal experiences.


    Matched EDx5 for C & S 2010

  12. #12
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    I am going to have to agree with many of the PP's. I cannot imagine being a surrogate without having had my own pregnancy first. JMHO . I am going to compare it to people talking about how your pregnancy will turn out and giving tons and tons of advice on your labor and delivery. It is the simple fact, that until you have had a pregnancy with all that is involved it is my personal opinion, that you have no idea how you are going to feel at the time of delivery and definatley how you are going to feel emotionally after the baby is born. JMO. I think you have wonderful intentions and commend you for wanting to help create a family. I just really think it is hard to commit to such a big decision when so much is involved emotionally, physically, etc.... I do wish you the very best :sunshine:

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