Brian wrote this letter to offer support and
encouragement to another surrogate's husband. He was kind enough to
share it here so that others may benefit from it, as well! The
views/thoughts expressed are those of the author-Surrogate Mothers
Online does not endorse/promote any religion in particular.
I do not consider myself an expert in this matter. My
about 6 weeks along in her first surrogate pregnancy. I thought
might share a little about our venture in the arena of surrogacy with
the hope that you might find encouragement in the matter.
My wife and I have been married for a little more than two
years. We have both come from a previous failed marriage. I
three children from mine (a 19 year old son who is in his 2nd year of
college in Colorado, and a 16 year old daughter and an 11 year old son
who live in Southern California some 475 miles away)--and Bobbi has two
daughters (8 and 7) who live with us full time. One of the reasons that
I fell in love with my wife is her love for children. When we got
married, she was 2 semesters away from her teaching degree--but the
needs of our two girls convinced us that it was better that she home
school them and so with great financial stress, we put the needs of our
Another great reason that I married my wife was her spirit
gift of giving. We are both professing Christians--my wife was very
instrumental in my coming to the Lord two years ago, and it has been
our goal to do everything that we can to bring honor and glory to our
Lord and Savior. In the book of Romans, it talks about using the
that God has given us to the best of your ability. When Bobbi
laid it on my heart that she felt that she was being called to give the
gift of a child to another couple, I was at first appalled at the
thought, but then I realized that God had given her a gift that should
be shared. It is not every woman who would go through so
and discomfort for someone else's benefit. But, I have seen my
sacrifice to make our marriage work, and I have seen her sacrifice for
her children as well as for mine. If she has this special gift,
can I as a husband not want to support her--even if it means sacrifice
on my part. The thing is Bobbi is not doing this miracle on her
We are both doing it together through the grace and mercy of our Lord
Romans 12:1-2 says: "Therefore, I urge you,
sisters), to offer yourselves as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing
to the Lord. This is your spiritual act of worship. Do not
any longer to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the
renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve
God's will is for you, his good, perfect, and pleasing will."
I do not deny that one of the reasons that my wife and I
upon this course of action was financial gain. The money that we
get from this will allow her to stay at home and continue homeschooling
while we pay for her student loans and everyday needs. But the
remains is that Jesus Christ came to serve and not be served, and my
wife is using a special gift that she has to serve another couple--to
give them the gift of a child that they have been denied because of
medical reasons. It would be easy to say (as some in our church
iterated) that if God
wanted to Josh and Patty to have children, he would have not allowed
Patty to have a problem with her ovaries. But, our belief is, "Why
(Isaiah 55:8-9) That's like saying, "Why should someone with a
heart or kidney be able to extend their life with a transplant.
wanted that person to live longer, he'd fix the problem himself."
Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that in all things, God
works for the good of those who love him, who have been called
according to his purpose."
In this life, I should desire no more than to serve my Lord to the best
of my ability. This is what I desire for my wife--the fact that she can
put this into action is why I fell in love with her and married
My job in this matter is to serve as an encouragement to her so that
God's glory may be fulfilled in the miracle that she will provide.
Joshua 3:5 says, "Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the
Lord will do amazing things among you."
Submit yourself to God's authority and make your marriage everything
that God intended it to be by supporting your wife in this
If you can place your will--your needs aside and put God's will first,
God will do an amazing things among you. These things will cause
Love in the lord and each other to grow beyond all human expectations.
If you are able to transform yourself--not to the patterns of this
world that would make you think that your wife is doing something
sinful and dirty--if you can transform yourself by the renewing of your
mind in Christ Jesus then God will show you what his true will is for
you--that you both together will abound in his Love and grow in your
love for each other.
When my wife and I agreed to use her gift of giving in
surrogacy, I was led to this verse, Deuteronomy 31:8 "The
Lord himself goes before you and will lead you. He will not leave
nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."
that in God, you will find the peace and the strength to know that what
your wife is doing is a true miracle, and that you will be able to
support her as a Godly husband should.
May God bless you and your wife-