Brian wrote this letter to offer support and encouragement to another surrogate's husband. He was kind enough to share it here so that others may benefit from it, as well!  The views/thoughts expressed are those of the author-Surrogate Mothers Online does not endorse/promote any religion in particular.

I do not consider myself an expert in this matter.  My wife is about 6 weeks along in her first surrogate pregnancy.  I thought that I might share a little about our venture in the arena of surrogacy with the hope that you might find encouragement in the matter.

My wife and I have been married for a little more than two years.  We have both come from a previous failed marriage.  I have three children from mine (a 19 year old son who is in his 2nd year of college in Colorado, and a 16 year old daughter and an 11 year old son who live in Southern California some 475 miles away)--and Bobbi has two daughters (8 and 7) who live with us full time. One of the reasons that I fell in love with my wife is her love for children. When we got married, she was 2 semesters away from her teaching degree--but the needs of our two girls convinced us that it was better that she home school them and so with great financial stress, we put the needs of our children first.

Another great reason that I married my wife was her spirit or gift of giving. We are both professing Christians--my wife was very instrumental in my coming to the Lord two years ago, and it has been our goal to do everything that we can to bring honor and glory to our Lord and Savior.  In the book of Romans, it talks about using the gifts that God has given us to the best of your ability.  When Bobbi first laid it on my heart that she felt that she was being called to give the gift of a child to another couple, I was at first appalled at the thought, but then I realized that God had given her a gift that should be shared.   It is not every woman who would go through so much pain and discomfort for someone else's benefit.  But, I have seen my wife sacrifice to make our marriage work, and I have seen her sacrifice for her children as well as for mine.  If she has this special gift, how can I as a husband not want to support her--even if it means sacrifice on my part.  The thing is Bobbi is not doing this miracle on her own.  We are both doing it together through the grace and mercy of our Lord Jesus.

Romans 12:1-2 says:  "Therefore, I urge you, brothers (and sisters), to offer yourselves as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to the Lord.  This is your spiritual act of worship.  Do not conform any longer to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is for you, his good, perfect, and pleasing will."

I do not deny that one of the reasons that my wife and I agreed upon this course of action was financial gain.  The money that we will get from this will allow her to stay at home and continue homeschooling while we pay for her student loans and everyday needs.  But the fact remains is that Jesus Christ came to serve and not be served, and my wife is using a special gift that she has to serve another couple--to give them the gift of a child that they have been denied because of medical reasons.  It would be easy to say (as some in our church have iterated) that if God wanted to Josh and Patty to have children, he would have not allowed Patty to have a problem with her ovaries.  But, our belief is, "Why limit God?" (Isaiah 55:8-9)  That's like saying, "Why should someone with a bad heart or kidney be able to extend their life with a transplant.  If God wanted that person to live longer, he'd fix the problem himself."

Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."  In this life, I should desire no more than to serve my Lord to the best of my ability. This is what I desire for my wife--the fact that she can put this into action is why I fell in love with her and married her.  My job in this matter is to serve as an encouragement to her so that God's glory may be fulfilled in the miracle that she will provide.

Joshua 3:5 says, "Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the Lord will do amazing things among you."  Submit yourself to God's authority and make your marriage everything that God intended it to be by supporting your wife in this endeavor.  If you can place your will--your needs aside and put God's will first, God will do an amazing things among you.  These things will cause your Love in the lord and each other to grow beyond all human expectations. If you are able to transform yourself--not to the patterns of this world that would make you think that your wife is doing something sinful and dirty--if you can transform yourself by the renewing of your mind in Christ Jesus then God will show you what his true will is for you--that you both together will abound in his Love and grow in your love for each other.

When my wife and I agreed to use her gift of giving in surrogacy, I was led to this verse, Deuteronomy 31:8 "The Lord himself goes before you and will lead you.  He will not leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."  I pray that in God, you will find the peace and the strength to know that what your wife is doing is a true miracle, and that you will be able to support her as a Godly husband should.

May God bless you and your wife-

Brian Chock
bchock@aol.com