Surrogate Mothers Online Q & A: My husband is concerned that if I were to be a GS and the genetic mother and father divorced before the child was born or if they decided they did not want it then what would happen and wouldn't I feel morally responsible for the child. have you ever heard of this happening? Any suggestions on what to tell my husband? <A HREF="mailto:kwimpy@fuse.net">Kris</A>

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Surrogate Mothers Online Q & A

Q & A: Legal/Contract Issues - Surrogacy

Topics may include contracts, legal fees, establishing parental rights, etc.

23. My husband is concerned that if I were to be a GS and the genetic mother and father divorced before the child was born or if they decided they did not want it then what would happen and wouldn't I feel morally responsible for the child. have you ever heard of this happening? Any suggestions on what to tell my husband? Kris - Top

Usually the contract covers this. The intended parents have to agree that no matter what, this child is their's -- even if donor egg/sperm are used. There was a case similar to this in CA recently where the Intended Mom and Intended Father got separated prior to the child's birth. Since BOTH donor egg AND donor sperm were used, the intended father was claiming the child was not his and therefore an orphan, and felt he was not responsible to pay for any child support for the resulting baby. The CA courts upheld the contract he had signed stating that for all intents and purposes, even though this was a donor embryo, that he WAS responsible and had to pay because he had signed the contract stating such.

Your contract should also cover who has guardianship/custody of the child(ren) in case the intended parents both die.

((Also - I could realy use some input on how to help my husband understand my desire to be a GS. I have read a lot of what's on the web page and shared it all with him, but it's not enough. Help!! ))

What IS your reason for wanting to be a GS? Do you have a close friend/relative who has experienced severe infertility? Do you have such great pregnancies that you wouldn't mind helping someone out who can't do it on their own? Is it important for you to feel as if you have made a tremendous difference in someone's life? Tell him from your heart why you're doing this. If he still doesn't understand, it may be just because men aren't usually as empathetic as women are to other's suffering. But, unless your husband is agreeable to your being a surrogate and supportive of you during the process, I would not proceed. Husband's are an important part of the process -- after all, they're the ones who rub your back in the middle of the night, give you a break from the cooking/cleaning/babysitting, etc. when you need it. Going it alone is too tough a road to travel. - Updated: January 31, 2000
Topics may include contracts, legal fees, establishing parental rights, etc.

23. My husband is concerned that if I were to be a GS and the genetic mother and father divorced before the child was born or if they decided they did not want it then what would happen and wouldn't I feel morally responsible for the child. have you ever heard of this happening? Any suggestions on what to tell my husband? Kris - Top: Usually the contract covers this. The intended parents have to agree that no matter what, this child is their's -- even if donor egg/sperm are used. There was a case similar to this in CA recently where the Intended Mom and Intended Father got separated prior to the child's birth. Since BOTH donor egg AND donor sperm were used, the intended father was claiming the child was not his and therefore an orphan, and felt he was not responsible to pay for any child support for the resulting baby. The CA courts upheld the contract he had signed stating that for all intents and purposes, even though this was a donor embryo, that he WAS responsible and had to pay because he had signed the contract stating such.

Your contract should also cover who has guardianship/custody of the child(ren) in case the intended parents both die.

((Also - I could realy use some input on how to help my husband understand my desire to be a GS. I have read a lot of what's on the web page and shared it all with him, but it's not enough. Help!! ))

What IS your reason for wanting to be a GS? Do you have a close friend/relative who has experienced severe infertility? Do you have such great pregnancies that you wouldn't mind helping someone out who can't do it on their own? Is it important for you to feel as if you have made a tremendous difference in someone's life? Tell him from your heart why you're doing this. If he still doesn't understand, it may be just because men aren't usually as empathetic as women are to other's suffering. But, unless your husband is agreeable to your being a surrogate and supportive of you during the process, I would not proceed. Husband's are an important part of the process -- after all, they're the ones who rub your back in the middle of the night, give you a break from the cooking/cleaning/babysitting, etc. when you need it. Going it alone is too tough a road to travel. - Updated: January 31, 2000

Unless stated otherwise, all responses in the SMO Q&A are courtesy of one or more of the following hosts:

Sherry - Experienced gestational surrogate currently working on her 2nd surrogacy arrangement

Linda - New Mommy to twins born via gestational surrogacy and egg donation

Jennifer S. - Experienced AI surrogate

Lynn - New Mommy to a daughter born via traditional surrogacy

Tracie - 5 time egg donor (triplets, 2 sets of twins and 2 singletons) and 3 time surrogate (2-AI, 1-IVF).

Lisa - Experienced egg donor and previous gestational surrogate currently working on her 2nd surrogacy arrangement (Lisa was our former ED host, prior to July 1999.)
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