Surrogate Mothers Online Q & A: Does anyone know of a group or someone to talk to about failed surrogacy? Everything we researched said that surrogates just don't keep the baby...but ours did. Our son was born almost four years ago and other than 3 days in the hospital with him we haven't been permitted to see him. We tried to reason with our surrogate but to know avail. People who knew her say she is a great actress and was only playing a role to please us, but we had known her for years. We are in court trying to fight for custody and at this point even visits and DNA testing. She fights every step we take. Needless to say this whole thing has caused so much sorrow to us and our families. We just don't know where to turn anymore. Any help out there or others in our shoes?

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Miscellaneous surrogacy related questions that do not fit under any of the other categories

12. Does anyone know of a group or someone to talk to about failed surrogacy? Everything we researched said that surrogates just don't keep the baby...but ours did. Our son was born almost four years ago and other than 3 days in the hospital with him we haven't been permitted to see him. We tried to reason with our surrogate but to know avail. People who knew her say she is a great actress and was only playing a role to please us, but we had known her for years. We are in court trying to fight for custody and at this point even visits and DNA testing. She fights every step we take. Needless to say this whole thing has caused so much sorrow to us and our families. We just don't know where to turn anymore. Any help out there or others in our shoes? - Chubmom - Top

Chubmom,

Unfortunately, nothing is 100%. Not even surrogacy. With a less than 1% failure rate, it's a safer bet than adoption. But there are still some failures as you well know. My heart goes out to you and your family and I hope that soon your son will be in your arms and in your home. Keep up the fight!

I am also unaware of any support group specifically for failed surrogacies, but there are several surrogacy support groups -- Parents Pursuing Surrogacy at www.surrogacy.com, Organization of Parents Thru Surrogacy at www.opts.com,
and the Surrogate Mothers Online.

You did not mention whether this was a traditional or gestational surrogacy, if the surrogate had a psychological evaluation, whether you had a contract or not, if the contract was reviewed by a lawyer familiar with surrogacy, if you went thru an agency or had an independent arrangement, or if you had a court order to pre-determine you and your husband as the legal parents or were planning a step-parent adoption. All of these are factors in choosing a surrogate, but in the interest of stopping someone else from making the same mistake (if indeed you made any), please let us know.

I pray that your son will soon be in your home!

Hugs,

Linda P
Mom of twins via GS/DE - Updated: February 13, 2000
Miscellaneous surrogacy related questions that do not fit under any of the other categories

12. Does anyone know of a group or someone to talk to about failed surrogacy? Everything we researched said that surrogates just don't keep the baby...but ours did. Our son was born almost four years ago and other than 3 days in the hospital with him we haven't been permitted to see him. We tried to reason with our surrogate but to know avail. People who knew her say she is a great actress and was only playing a role to please us, but we had known her for years. We are in court trying to fight for custody and at this point even visits and DNA testing. She fights every step we take. Needless to say this whole thing has caused so much sorrow to us and our families. We just don't know where to turn anymore. Any help out there or others in our shoes? - Chubmom - Top: Chubmom,

Unfortunately, nothing is 100%. Not even surrogacy. With a less than 1% failure rate, it's a safer bet than adoption. But there are still some failures as you well know. My heart goes out to you and your family and I hope that soon your son will be in your arms and in your home. Keep up the fight!

I am also unaware of any support group specifically for failed surrogacies, but there are several surrogacy support groups -- Parents Pursuing Surrogacy at www.surrogacy.com, Organization of Parents Thru Surrogacy at www.opts.com,
and the Surrogate Mothers Online.

You did not mention whether this was a traditional or gestational surrogacy, if the surrogate had a psychological evaluation, whether you had a contract or not, if the contract was reviewed by a lawyer familiar with surrogacy, if you went thru an agency or had an independent arrangement, or if you had a court order to pre-determine you and your husband as the legal parents or were planning a step-parent adoption. All of these are factors in choosing a surrogate, but in the interest of stopping someone else from making the same mistake (if indeed you made any), please let us know.

I pray that your son will soon be in your home!

Hugs,

Linda P
Mom of twins via GS/DE - Updated: February 13, 2000

Unless stated otherwise, all responses in the SMO Q&A are courtesy of one or more of the following hosts:

Sherry - Experienced gestational surrogate currently working on her 2nd surrogacy arrangement

Linda - New Mommy to twins born via gestational surrogacy and egg donation

Jennifer S. - Experienced AI surrogate

Lynn - New Mommy to a daughter born via traditional surrogacy

Tracie - 5 time egg donor (triplets, 2 sets of twins and 2 singletons) and 3 time surrogate (2-AI, 1-IVF).

Lisa - Experienced egg donor and previous gestational surrogate currently working on her 2nd surrogacy arrangement (Lisa was our former ED host, prior to July 1999.)
Disclaimer: Responses from SMO Q&A Hosts do not necessarily represent the opinions and ideas of SMO. Neither the Q&A hosts nor SMO guarantee the accuracy or completeness of any information contained in the responses given here. As such, neither SMO nor the Q&A hosts are responsible for any errors or omissions or for the results obtained from the use of such information. Neither SMO nor the Q&A hosts shall be liable or responsible to any person or entity for any loss or damage caused, or alleged to have been caused, directly or indirectly by the information or ideas contained, suggested, or referenced in these responses.

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