Surrogate Mothers Online Q & A: I am a single man about to begin a gestational surrogacy with a wonderful woman who has a husband and family of her own. She thinks I'll be a great father, however, I was wondering what I should tell the child about how he or she was conceived. When does this usually come up, and does it cause any trauma to the child? - <a href="mailto:hahn679821@aol.com">Evan</a>

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Surrogate Mothers Online Q & A

Q & A: Telling Others

Topics may include explaining surrogacy or egg donation to children, who to share the news with, dealing with those who disapprove, etc.

2. I am a single man about to begin a gestational surrogacy with a wonderful woman who has a husband and family of her own. She thinks I'll be a great father, however, I was wondering what I should tell the child about how he or she was conceived. When does this usually come up, and does it cause any trauma to the child? - Evan - Top

Evan,

Congradulations on finding a surrogate and your pending fatherhood. As for what to tell you child just be honest. I would reccomended that you have your surrogate mother (SM) take pictures of her belly throughout the pregnancy and maybe she could keep a journal about the pregnancy. It would also be nice if she could write a letter talking about why she wanted to be a surrogate.

It would be nice if your egg donor could also write about her reasons for being an egg donor and provide a picture or at least a discription of herself since she will be providing 1/2 of the childs genes.

If you have these things and keep a baby book that openly talks about the pregnancy, delivery, and the child's life from there on the child will grow up feeling comfortable because that will be his/her story.

Our daughter's baby book has pictures of our SM throughout the pregnancy, at the baby shower, during delivery, in the hospital and afterward. We have copies of letters written to our SM by family members telling her how wonderful what she was doing was and what it meant to them.

Our daughter will grow up knowing that she was conceived out of love. The love her father and I have for each other and the love our surrogate had in her heart to help others.

I hope this helps.

Lynn - Updated: February 13, 2000
Topics may include explaining surrogacy or egg donation to children, who to share the news with, dealing with those who disapprove, etc.

2. I am a single man about to begin a gestational surrogacy with a wonderful woman who has a husband and family of her own. She thinks I'll be a great father, however, I was wondering what I should tell the child about how he or she was conceived. When does this usually come up, and does it cause any trauma to the child? - Evan - Top: Evan,

Congradulations on finding a surrogate and your pending fatherhood. As for what to tell you child just be honest. I would reccomended that you have your surrogate mother (SM) take pictures of her belly throughout the pregnancy and maybe she could keep a journal about the pregnancy. It would also be nice if she could write a letter talking about why she wanted to be a surrogate.

It would be nice if your egg donor could also write about her reasons for being an egg donor and provide a picture or at least a discription of herself since she will be providing 1/2 of the childs genes.

If you have these things and keep a baby book that openly talks about the pregnancy, delivery, and the child's life from there on the child will grow up feeling comfortable because that will be his/her story.

Our daughter's baby book has pictures of our SM throughout the pregnancy, at the baby shower, during delivery, in the hospital and afterward. We have copies of letters written to our SM by family members telling her how wonderful what she was doing was and what it meant to them.

Our daughter will grow up knowing that she was conceived out of love. The love her father and I have for each other and the love our surrogate had in her heart to help others.

I hope this helps.

Lynn - Updated: February 13, 2000

Unless stated otherwise, all responses in the SMO Q&A are courtesy of one or more of the following hosts:

Sherry - Experienced gestational surrogate currently working on her 2nd surrogacy arrangement

Linda - New Mommy to twins born via gestational surrogacy and egg donation

Jennifer S. - Experienced AI surrogate

Lynn - New Mommy to a daughter born via traditional surrogacy

Tracie - 5 time egg donor (triplets, 2 sets of twins and 2 singletons) and 3 time surrogate (2-AI, 1-IVF).

Lisa - Experienced egg donor and previous gestational surrogate currently working on her 2nd surrogacy arrangement (Lisa was our former ED host, prior to July 1999.)
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