Surrogate Mothers Online Q & A: I am married and have three kids and I am 3 days from the transfer date, my husband is becoming insucure about this how can I help him accept this and be happy with what I am doing?

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Surrogate Mothers Online Q & A

Q & A: Telling Others

Topics may include explaining surrogacy or egg donation to children, who to share the news with, dealing with those who disapprove, etc.

4. I am married and have three kids and I am 3 days from the transfer date, my husband is becoming insucure about this how can I help him accept this and be happy with what I am doing? - Christina in CA - Top

Christina,

It really depends on what your husband is feeling insecure about. Is he afraid he'll have to do a lot more work around the house when you're pregnant with someone else's child? Is he worried he'll feel strange with you carrying someone else's child? You need to address the exact fear. Tell him why you decided to be a surrogate (I assume you have already done this but it never hurts). But, most importantly, if he STILL doesn't want you to be a surrogate, then you need to back out NOW -- before you get pregnant. I understand this will be a major heartache for the intended parents, but you will need your husband's whole hearted support during this pregnancy. He's the one who is going to be there every night rubbing your back or ankles, going out at midnight to 7-11 getting the pickles and/or ice cream to take care of that craving you have, etc. Your relationship with your husband has to come first.

I hope you can work it out with him though and have your transfer followed by a big fat positive pregnancy test!!!!! I'll keep my fingers crossed for you and your intended parents.

Linda P
Mom of twins via surrogacy and donor egg - Updated: February 13, 2000
Topics may include explaining surrogacy or egg donation to children, who to share the news with, dealing with those who disapprove, etc.

4. I am married and have three kids and I am 3 days from the transfer date, my husband is becoming insucure about this how can I help him accept this and be happy with what I am doing? - Christina in CA - Top: Christina,

It really depends on what your husband is feeling insecure about. Is he afraid he'll have to do a lot more work around the house when you're pregnant with someone else's child? Is he worried he'll feel strange with you carrying someone else's child? You need to address the exact fear. Tell him why you decided to be a surrogate (I assume you have already done this but it never hurts). But, most importantly, if he STILL doesn't want you to be a surrogate, then you need to back out NOW -- before you get pregnant. I understand this will be a major heartache for the intended parents, but you will need your husband's whole hearted support during this pregnancy. He's the one who is going to be there every night rubbing your back or ankles, going out at midnight to 7-11 getting the pickles and/or ice cream to take care of that craving you have, etc. Your relationship with your husband has to come first.

I hope you can work it out with him though and have your transfer followed by a big fat positive pregnancy test!!!!! I'll keep my fingers crossed for you and your intended parents.

Linda P
Mom of twins via surrogacy and donor egg - Updated: February 13, 2000

Unless stated otherwise, all responses in the SMO Q&A are courtesy of one or more of the following hosts:

Sherry - Experienced gestational surrogate currently working on her 2nd surrogacy arrangement

Linda - New Mommy to twins born via gestational surrogacy and egg donation

Jennifer S. - Experienced AI surrogate

Lynn - New Mommy to a daughter born via traditional surrogacy

Tracie - 5 time egg donor (triplets, 2 sets of twins and 2 singletons) and 3 time surrogate (2-AI, 1-IVF).

Lisa - Experienced egg donor and previous gestational surrogate currently working on her 2nd surrogacy arrangement (Lisa was our former ED host, prior to July 1999.)
Disclaimer: Responses from SMO Q&A Hosts do not necessarily represent the opinions and ideas of SMO. Neither the Q&A hosts nor SMO guarantee the accuracy or completeness of any information contained in the responses given here. As such, neither SMO nor the Q&A hosts are responsible for any errors or omissions or for the results obtained from the use of such information. Neither SMO nor the Q&A hosts shall be liable or responsible to any person or entity for any loss or damage caused, or alleged to have been caused, directly or indirectly by the information or ideas contained, suggested, or referenced in these responses.

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