1. I was a gestational surrogate who gave birth to twins in March of 1999. My relationship with the genetic parents had its ups and downs, but we ended on the most wonderful note when they left the hospital with their two beautiful and healthy babies. We had agreed to exchange letters with pictures on Christmas and birthdays. Still, much to my delight, they sent me pictures about a month or so after the birth -- and some more a few months later after I wrote them. Shortly after that second set of pictures I became pregnant with my own child. I wrote to relay the news, and then called them. I was so excited and wanted to share the good news over the phone. They weren't home. I left a message -- and three more messages after that. All went unreturned. Finally the intermediary we had all worked through called to tell me that they preferred to keep our relationship to the original cards/letters/pictures at Christmas and birthdays.

I'm not sure I feel angry about the lack of communications post-delivery -- perhaps miffed is a better descriptor. I guess I expected a different pattern of interaction and find it hard to understand why our relationship has changed. I feel cold-shouldered to some extent.

I know that initially we did agree to twice a year contact. But then we seemed to get along so well - and after living through such an intimate experience - I guess I just figured our relationship had grown into something more than just twice a year contact. I felt we had become friends.

To be fair, I did stop talking to them for two months prior to the birth. Maybe they're upset about that. The pregnancy was going really well -- I didn't need to be on bed rest and I delivered almost full term. But I was so uncomfortable carrying the babies during those last two months (tired, leg cramps, etc.) and I just didn't want to speak with them directly. I was afraid I'd sound unhappy, maybe even crabby on the phone. I still let them know how the pregnancy was going. After each doctors appointment I'd call our intermediary and she would call them with updates. And then when I finally did give birth - everything was so wonderful in the hospital. They were so grateful and gave me no reason to think they had been upset with my not calling them directly over the last two months. So I'm still puzzled (and disappointed) as to how things have turned out.

I'm interested in hearing some objective thoughts -- some honest feedback. Am I expecting too much from the genetic parents? -- invading their privacy, not giving them space, etc. Should I try to contact them again??? Help. I'm confused and feeling a bit hurt - Janie

2. We really like our Egg donor, and we have started our process and will be doing the retrivial and embryos into our surrogate around May 28,1999. We are planning on keeping in touch at least once a year or more with our egg donor as well as our SM. This isn't unusual to keep in contract with the egg donor is it? Just with picture and card like at the holiday? -Toni in California

3. I am a surrogate. I am finding that the IM is having a difficult time with her frustration over infertility such that she isn't very excited about this - or doesn't show it yet. Your thoughts? - Anonymous in CA