Surrogate Mothers Online Q & A: What is your emotional attachment to the child you have helped to create? Is it easier, emotionally to be a surrogate mother or to donate an egg?

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Surrogate Mothers Online Q & A

Q & A: Emotional Issues - Egg Donation

Topics may include the IM's feelings about not being the biological mother of her child, the IM's and ED's feelings regarding anonymity, etc.

5. What is your emotional attachment to the child you have helped to create? Is it easier, emotionally to be a surrogate mother or to donate an egg? - Julie - Top

Dear Julie,

Your question is certainly a good one, though somewhat hard to answer, as both experiences are quite emotional in their own ways.

Being an Egg Donor was definately easier, in that I didn't have to carry the baby(s) and it only took about 2 months of my time. But I have a close
relationship with the parents of the eggs I donated, and I just love receiving pictures of the twins, and hearing about their antics. These babies could not have better parents, nor be more loved, and I think that is what is important. If I hadn't donated, they would not be here at all, and the joy and laughter from their parents does get me a bit emotional. Egg donation is very rewarding even when the out come is not known, as was my first donation.

With Surrogacy, you tend to form a rather intense bond with your couple, not so much the baby(s). I was an IVF or Gestational surrogate, which means that I carried the couple's genetic children. It was a joy to experience pregnancy through their eyes for the first time. I carried twin boys in my surrogacy, and every part of the pregnancy included the twins parents. When the twins were born, I was a little sad, but it was because I knew the relationship with my couple was at an end. I had succeeded in helping them have their child, and that was an incrediable emotional achievement for me.

Lisa - Updated: February 13, 2000
Topics may include the IM's feelings about not being the biological mother of her child, the IM's and ED's feelings regarding anonymity, etc.

5. What is your emotional attachment to the child you have helped to create? Is it easier, emotionally to be a surrogate mother or to donate an egg? - Julie - Top: Dear Julie,

Your question is certainly a good one, though somewhat hard to answer, as both experiences are quite emotional in their own ways.

Being an Egg Donor was definately easier, in that I didn't have to carry the baby(s) and it only took about 2 months of my time. But I have a close
relationship with the parents of the eggs I donated, and I just love receiving pictures of the twins, and hearing about their antics. These babies could not have better parents, nor be more loved, and I think that is what is important. If I hadn't donated, they would not be here at all, and the joy and laughter from their parents does get me a bit emotional. Egg donation is very rewarding even when the out come is not known, as was my first donation.

With Surrogacy, you tend to form a rather intense bond with your couple, not so much the baby(s). I was an IVF or Gestational surrogate, which means that I carried the couple's genetic children. It was a joy to experience pregnancy through their eyes for the first time. I carried twin boys in my surrogacy, and every part of the pregnancy included the twins parents. When the twins were born, I was a little sad, but it was because I knew the relationship with my couple was at an end. I had succeeded in helping them have their child, and that was an incrediable emotional achievement for me.

Lisa - Updated: February 13, 2000

Unless stated otherwise, all responses in the SMO Q&A are courtesy of one or more of the following hosts:

Sherry - Experienced gestational surrogate currently working on her 2nd surrogacy arrangement

Linda - New Mommy to twins born via gestational surrogacy and egg donation

Jennifer S. - Experienced AI surrogate

Lynn - New Mommy to a daughter born via traditional surrogacy

Tracie - 5 time egg donor (triplets, 2 sets of twins and 2 singletons) and 3 time surrogate (2-AI, 1-IVF).

Lisa - Experienced egg donor and previous gestational surrogate currently working on her 2nd surrogacy arrangement (Lisa was our former ED host, prior to July 1999.)
Disclaimer: Responses from SMO Q&A Hosts do not necessarily represent the opinions and ideas of SMO. Neither the Q&A hosts nor SMO guarantee the accuracy or completeness of any information contained in the responses given here. As such, neither SMO nor the Q&A hosts are responsible for any errors or omissions or for the results obtained from the use of such information. Neither SMO nor the Q&A hosts shall be liable or responsible to any person or entity for any loss or damage caused, or alleged to have been caused, directly or indirectly by the information or ideas contained, suggested, or referenced in these responses.

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