Surrogate Mothers Online Q & A: I am wondering why there is not more information on surrogates. I am six months along and I wish there was a list of question a new person going into this could ask. The parents and agency have plenty of question however I did not know about a lot of problems that could arise from this. example the parents to be are major worry worts, I have three of my own children and they still don't trust anything I do from my daily activities to what I eat. How can I deal with this I have three months left and it is killing me. I would also like to be able to speak with someone who knows how it is after the baby goes I do not know of anyone and everyone I speek to say I will hurt so bad. I am just now starting to worry about that. I was hoping I would have more positive people in that area and so far I am the only one who trys to see the positive in it. - <a href="mailto:domesticlife@yahoo.com">Heidi</a> in Eureka, CA

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Surrogate Mothers Online Q & A

Q & A: Emotional Issues - Surrogacy

Topics may include SM's feelings about parting with the baby after the birth, IM's feelings regarding not being able to carry the baby, etc

1. I am wondering why there is not more information on surrogates. I am six months along and I wish there was a list of question a new person going into this could ask. The parents and agency have plenty of question however I did not know about a lot of problems that could arise from this. example the parents to be are major worry worts, I have three of my own children and they still don't trust anything I do from my daily activities to what I eat. How can I deal with this I have three months left and it is killing me. I would also like to be able to speak with someone who knows how it is after the baby goes I do not know of anyone and everyone I speek to say I will hurt so bad. I am just now starting to worry about that. I was hoping I would have more positive people in that area and so far I am the only one who trys to see the positive in it. - Heidi in Eureka, CA - Top

Heidi,

I'm sorry to hear the intended parents are driving you nuts. Unfortunately, I think it often goes with the territory. It's easy for IPs to fall into this mode since nothing up until this point has gone right for them in their
quest to be parents. I know I worried up until the pregnancy reached the viability point that everything would be OK. I tried not to pass those
worries on though. It helped that we were separated by 900 miles -- I couldn't camp out on our surrogate's doorstep watching everything she did. Try reminding the IPs that they trusted you enough to have you carry their child, they need to trust that you will do the job well.

I can't tell you what it is like after the baby is born from a surrogate's perspective. I CAN say that a lot depends on the relationship you have with the IPs and whether or not they intends to remain in contact and how frequently. No matter what, always remember that what you are doing is the most wonderful thing one person can do for another. This is the most precious gift you can give and what a terrific person you are! It might help to join one of the surrogacy e-mail lists like the one on Surrogate Moms Online. This way you can connect with other women who have been through the same experience.

Best of luck,

Linda P
Mom of twins via surrogacy

Dear Heidi,

There are many support groups for surrogates.
www.surromomsonline.com has one, www.surrogacy.com has one and www.onelist.com has many start up surrogacy support groups. We are out there. Good Luck!

Jennifer - Updated: April 17, 2000
Topics may include SM's feelings about parting with the baby after the birth, IM's feelings regarding not being able to carry the baby, etc

1. I am wondering why there is not more information on surrogates. I am six months along and I wish there was a list of question a new person going into this could ask. The parents and agency have plenty of question however I did not know about a lot of problems that could arise from this. example the parents to be are major worry worts, I have three of my own children and they still don't trust anything I do from my daily activities to what I eat. How can I deal with this I have three months left and it is killing me. I would also like to be able to speak with someone who knows how it is after the baby goes I do not know of anyone and everyone I speek to say I will hurt so bad. I am just now starting to worry about that. I was hoping I would have more positive people in that area and so far I am the only one who trys to see the positive in it. - Heidi in Eureka, CA - Top: Heidi,

I'm sorry to hear the intended parents are driving you nuts. Unfortunately, I think it often goes with the territory. It's easy for IPs to fall into this mode since nothing up until this point has gone right for them in their
quest to be parents. I know I worried up until the pregnancy reached the viability point that everything would be OK. I tried not to pass those
worries on though. It helped that we were separated by 900 miles -- I couldn't camp out on our surrogate's doorstep watching everything she did. Try reminding the IPs that they trusted you enough to have you carry their child, they need to trust that you will do the job well.

I can't tell you what it is like after the baby is born from a surrogate's perspective. I CAN say that a lot depends on the relationship you have with the IPs and whether or not they intends to remain in contact and how frequently. No matter what, always remember that what you are doing is the most wonderful thing one person can do for another. This is the most precious gift you can give and what a terrific person you are! It might help to join one of the surrogacy e-mail lists like the one on Surrogate Moms Online. This way you can connect with other women who have been through the same experience.

Best of luck,

Linda P
Mom of twins via surrogacy

Dear Heidi,

There are many support groups for surrogates.
www.surromomsonline.com has one, www.surrogacy.com has one and www.onelist.com has many start up surrogacy support groups. We are out there. Good Luck!

Jennifer - Updated: April 17, 2000

Unless stated otherwise, all responses in the SMO Q&A are courtesy of one or more of the following hosts:

Sherry - Experienced gestational surrogate currently working on her 2nd surrogacy arrangement

Linda - New Mommy to twins born via gestational surrogacy and egg donation

Jennifer S. - Experienced AI surrogate

Lynn - New Mommy to a daughter born via traditional surrogacy

Tracie - 5 time egg donor (triplets, 2 sets of twins and 2 singletons) and 3 time surrogate (2-AI, 1-IVF).

Lisa - Experienced egg donor and previous gestational surrogate currently working on her 2nd surrogacy arrangement (Lisa was our former ED host, prior to July 1999.)
Disclaimer: Responses from SMO Q&A Hosts do not necessarily represent the opinions and ideas of SMO. Neither the Q&A hosts nor SMO guarantee the accuracy or completeness of any information contained in the responses given here. As such, neither SMO nor the Q&A hosts are responsible for any errors or omissions or for the results obtained from the use of such information. Neither SMO nor the Q&A hosts shall be liable or responsible to any person or entity for any loss or damage caused, or alleged to have been caused, directly or indirectly by the information or ideas contained, suggested, or referenced in these responses.

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