Surrogate Mothers Online Q & A: I have volunteered my body to be a GS for a very close family member that cannot get PG on their own after many years of trying, therefore I am very sympathetic. We have gone through the testing steps and now the legalities are beginning. Now, this is where my concerns begin. My IPs do very well for themselves financially unlike myself (single mother). Now, in the beginning I told them that this was not a big money thing for me and thought it would be hard for me to take their money after all they have gone through and was offered $4500.00 for the nine months. That amount would also pay for my legal fees, legal fees roughly costing $1200. Now, I don't want to sound selfish but, I feel that I should have been looking out for me as well I love my IPs very much and do not know how to tell them this without sounding money hungry but I guess the further I go into this the more I feel that I should be better compensated. Are my feelings wrong? Do you have any suggestions?

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Surrogate Mothers Online Q & A

Q & A: Financial Issues - Surrogacy

Topics may include compensation, covered expenses, overall costs, etc.

8. I have volunteered my body to be a GS for a very close family member that cannot get PG on their own after many years of trying, therefore I am very sympathetic. We have gone through the testing steps and now the legalities are beginning. Now, this is where my concerns begin. My IPs do very well for themselves financially unlike myself (single mother). Now, in the beginning I told them that this was not a big money thing for me and thought it would be hard for me to take their money after all they have gone through and was offered $4500.00 for the nine months. That amount would also pay for my legal fees, legal fees roughly costing $1200. Now, I don't want to sound selfish but, I feel that I should have been looking out for me as well I love my IPs very much and do not know how to tell them this without sounding money hungry but I guess the further I go into this the more I feel that I should be better compensated. Are my feelings wrong? Do you have any suggestions? - Jennifer - Top

Jennifer,

No, your feelings aren't wrong. Many surrogates who are family members/friends don't really know everything that is involved at the beginning of the process when they agree to be a surrogate. But, many family/friend surrogates are also doing what is called a "compassionate" surrogacy where they waive their fees altogether. Whether you are doing a compassionate surrogacy or a fee-for-service surrogacy, all your expenses (medical, legal, childcare and housekeeping if placed on medical bedrest, etc.) must be paid by the intended parents. If it is agreed that these expenses come out of the fee, that is up to the individuals in the arrangement.

I agree that $4,500 is a very low fee, but perhaps that is all your IPs feel they can afford. Unfortunately, the medical and legal expenses for surrogacy are outrageous. And, even though they appear to be affluent, it doesn't mean that they are.

From an IP standpoint, I would be concerned if you changed your mind at this point in the "negotiations" about how you would feel down the road when the pregnancy starts getting difficult. Would you feel, again, that you weren't being compensated enough when the sleepless nights start because you can't breathe unless sitting up? When the baby(ies) heel keeps digging into your lung, or you have to do progesterone shots for 12 weeks (if you are a gestational surrogate), etc.

Financial matters are difficult in any situation to discuss and when family and friendships are involved it makes it even more so. I always feel "honesty is the best policy" when it comes to surrogacy relationships. Let the IPs know how you feel. If you and they can't agree to terms, it's best to mutually walk away from the relationship than to have you or your IPs resent each other.

Hope this helps.

Linda P - Updated: February 13, 2000
Topics may include compensation, covered expenses, overall costs, etc.

8. I have volunteered my body to be a GS for a very close family member that cannot get PG on their own after many years of trying, therefore I am very sympathetic. We have gone through the testing steps and now the legalities are beginning. Now, this is where my concerns begin. My IPs do very well for themselves financially unlike myself (single mother). Now, in the beginning I told them that this was not a big money thing for me and thought it would be hard for me to take their money after all they have gone through and was offered $4500.00 for the nine months. That amount would also pay for my legal fees, legal fees roughly costing $1200. Now, I don't want to sound selfish but, I feel that I should have been looking out for me as well I love my IPs very much and do not know how to tell them this without sounding money hungry but I guess the further I go into this the more I feel that I should be better compensated. Are my feelings wrong? Do you have any suggestions? - Jennifer - Top: Jennifer,

No, your feelings aren't wrong. Many surrogates who are family members/friends don't really know everything that is involved at the beginning of the process when they agree to be a surrogate. But, many family/friend surrogates are also doing what is called a "compassionate" surrogacy where they waive their fees altogether. Whether you are doing a compassionate surrogacy or a fee-for-service surrogacy, all your expenses (medical, legal, childcare and housekeeping if placed on medical bedrest, etc.) must be paid by the intended parents. If it is agreed that these expenses come out of the fee, that is up to the individuals in the arrangement.

I agree that $4,500 is a very low fee, but perhaps that is all your IPs feel they can afford. Unfortunately, the medical and legal expenses for surrogacy are outrageous. And, even though they appear to be affluent, it doesn't mean that they are.

From an IP standpoint, I would be concerned if you changed your mind at this point in the "negotiations" about how you would feel down the road when the pregnancy starts getting difficult. Would you feel, again, that you weren't being compensated enough when the sleepless nights start because you can't breathe unless sitting up? When the baby(ies) heel keeps digging into your lung, or you have to do progesterone shots for 12 weeks (if you are a gestational surrogate), etc.

Financial matters are difficult in any situation to discuss and when family and friendships are involved it makes it even more so. I always feel "honesty is the best policy" when it comes to surrogacy relationships. Let the IPs know how you feel. If you and they can't agree to terms, it's best to mutually walk away from the relationship than to have you or your IPs resent each other.

Hope this helps.

Linda P - Updated: February 13, 2000

Unless stated otherwise, all responses in the SMO Q&A are courtesy of one or more of the following hosts:

Sherry - Experienced gestational surrogate currently working on her 2nd surrogacy arrangement

Linda - New Mommy to twins born via gestational surrogacy and egg donation

Jennifer S. - Experienced AI surrogate

Lynn - New Mommy to a daughter born via traditional surrogacy

Tracie - 5 time egg donor (triplets, 2 sets of twins and 2 singletons) and 3 time surrogate (2-AI, 1-IVF).

Lisa - Experienced egg donor and previous gestational surrogate currently working on her 2nd surrogacy arrangement (Lisa was our former ED host, prior to July 1999.)
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