Q & A: Just Starting Out - Surrogacy

For those just starting down the surrogacy path. Topics may include finding the right match, pros and cons of independent vs. agency, where to start, etc.

1. I am considering being a surrogate for friends of mine. I think my most difficult decision is whether I would be an AI or GS surrogate. I am single, 32, gay, and have never had children. I have just started back to graduate school and for many reasons do not want to raise a child of my own. I am finding a lot of information about GS, but very little about AI, their experiences, especially if they have no children. I would prefer AI, least complicated, without drugs,... etc. Any wisdom to share? - Mich in NY

2. First, thank you for your time and effort. And thanks for an interesting and helpful website.

We have undergone 6 unsuccessful IVF treatment, in the last one we used frozen embryos. My tubes are blocked but my husband sperm is ok. Which following options would you recommend for us to consider next and why?

A. Continue IVF treatment with own egg and sperm
B. IVF treatment with donor egg and/or sperm
C. Surrogacy with donor eggs
D. Surrogacy with own eggs

We also have few questions fee related. Hope that's ok?

A. How much could we expect to pay for a surrogacy in total and how would it be divided (legal cost, payment to surrogacy mother, agency fee, medical cost, etc.)
B. When would the fee be paid? I.e. in advance, when the baby is born, when the baby has been adopted, etc.
C. What happens if "treatment" is not successful, i.e. surrogacy mother does not conceive? Do you still have to pay full fee?

And finally few questions related to success rate.

A. What is the appr. success rate in surrogacy? I.e. how many attempts is on average required for birth baby?
B. Is the success different if you use surrogacy mother own egg (traditional surrogacy) or if you use own egg ("gestational" surrogacy)?

Thanks in advance for you help. - Anonymous in the UK

3. My mother-in-law is 62yrs old and have offered to be a GS for my parthner and I. I believe she may be too old! We are not wealthy, therefore this may seem "stupid", but any info on a very resonable agency close to NYC. Thanks! - Daddies in waiting in NYC

4. I am becoming an independent surrogate mother and I have to know what I can do to get more responses to my ad and what questions to ask the prospective parents? What fees should I ask for as compensation? - Anonymous in TX

5. My niece is considering being a traditional surrogate for my husband and me. The only reservation she has is if she will be able to "give up" the baby. She has 3 lovely children of her own. She, of course, will be having a relationship with the child as a cousin. What are your thoughts/experience with giving the baby to the intended parents and not taking the child home with you? - Jeanne in Minnesota

6. My brother-in-law and sister-in-law just found out thatIVF didn't work for them (of 22 eggs harvested, only 4 were viable and she didn't end up pg). I have had discussions with my sis-in-law about being a traditional surrage and she is in favor of it. My brother-in-law didn't like the idea, but that was before they tried IVF. He is 33 and she is 37. I am 29, have three beautiful daughters and want to help them have a child. Is there anything I can say or do to help my brother-in-law consider surrogacy? - Cindy in OH

7. I am very new to this. We have struggled with fertility issues for 5 years now and though I have gotten positive results from IVF treatments, those where only positive for a few weeks. The problem seems to be (though the RE's have not confirmed this) with implantationl. The embryo's always do look good. My mom has offered to be the surrogant mother for our baby. She is 51 years old, has negative blood but is in perfect health. I don't think negative blood is a big issue anymore. A shot is suppose to take care of all the risks she faced when she delivered me. I was wondering if you have an opinion about this option. Perhaps you know of other grandmothers who have been a surrogant. Perhaps you know some pro's and con's to it. We are just starting to consider surrogancy after our last (it was the 5th) cycle failed. We are wondering about the emotions- how it feels to have someone else tell you your baby has kicked for example. We also wonder about the risk my mom would be taking, I wonder if she might be too old perhaps. She is 51. As you can tell, I wonder about a whole bunch of stuff !!! Any input would be so much appriciated. I would love to hear your experiences. Thank you so much. - Cynthia

8. I am a single male 29 who is interested in having a child via surrogacy. My questions are: Is it unusual for single men to use a surrogate? Is it any more diffficult? What information is provided on potential surrogates? How long would the infant have to be with the surrogate prior to returning home with the IF? Any other information you could provide on this subject would be appreciated as I am still gathering info. - Harold in Maine

9. I am a single man who is very ready for a family and have been researching different options via the internet. I have come across an organization called Creating Families, Inc. based in Denver, CO that seems very thorough and adept in helping me in my goal of having a child. Do you know anything about CF, Inc.? Any counsel would be greatly appreciated. - D. Hahn in CA

10. I have wanted to be a surrogate mother for around four years now but I'm not exactly sure how to go about it. Any information from any of you would be helpful. How does it feel to give up something you've carried for nine months? (Linda & Lynn) How does it feel for you to not be able to carry your own child? How do you find the couple that you want to help? How do you know if their the right ones? Is it required that you must have one successful pregnancy before you can be a surrogate? Is it required that you are married to become a surrogat? What ages do you have to be between? I have so many questions running through my head. The idea of helping a couple that wants children so badly, being able to give the gift of life to someone else, is an absolutely wonderful and overwhelming idea. Any information, ideas, comments or opinions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much for your time. - El in Spokane WA & Arnold MD

11. What does IM and IP stand for? I'm new to this and don't have all the jargon down. - Judy

12. I am the mother of two wonderful daughters and I have married a fantastic man who doesnt have children of his own. We are interested in surrogacy and we are wondering which process will be best for us due to the fact that at age 22, I had to have an emergency hysterectomy. Please help me bless my wonderful spouse with the information for obtaining the right surrogate program. Thank you. - Katherine in Tulsa, OK

13. I'm 20 years old and have three beautiful children. I have thought more than once on becoming a surrogate mother but I do not want the child to be from my flesh and blood. I would love to carry a child for someone using their own eggs and sperm. How often do couples choose to do this instead of the easier surrogacy? How would I go about searching for couples that are interested in this type of surrogacy? And one last question, with this type of surrogacy would I be able to have any type of contact with the baby after the birth? If you could give me any information on this that you feel I could use, please do so! I'm ready, willing, and able to take any kind of advice that you could give to me. - Heather

14. My best friend due to an undiagnosed illness was recommended by her doctor not to become pregnant. This came as a crushing blow. Being her best friend, I decided to help her in her quest to become a mom. I do not know where to begin. I know that the gestational surrogacy is the type of IVF that we would be doing, but what are the costs? What are the drawbacks? How much time would be lost, work-wise? Is there a specific question that I should be asking? I know that any negative points will not deter my decision, but I just would like as much info on this as possible. Thank you. - Elle in Miami, FL

15. I have recently offered to be a GS to my sister-in-law and her husband. She makes eggs but cannot get pregnant. My husband and I agree completely that this would be a wonderful thing for all of us. We already have 3 children and have decided that our family is complete. They have 1 adopted child (age 4) and are trying to adopt another. I am 25 and healthy. My sister-in-law is 34 and healthy. Have you heard of any problems with intrafamilial gestation situations? She is still deciding, I'm afraid that she is worrying too much of our motives. We are not only offering to help them, but we loved pregnancy--we just are happy now with our current family size. Do you think this sounds like a good situation? What kind of total costs are we talking to get through this? Do you know how to find my state's law concerning surrogacy? Any other important info I should know? - Anonymous

16. I need to find a surragote. the one i had just backed out. already have 15 embyros waiting to use. need help!! - Lori Anne

17. I am interested in surrogacy in Britain. My brother is unable to have children and he and his wife are considering looking for a surrogate to have a child for them. I am unable to find any information on the web for Britain. Can anyone help? - Debbi in Merseyside England

18. I am not sure if this is in the same field, but here goes - My husband and I are seriously considering "creating" a child for his brother and his wife. B/c of serious infertility this would be their last chance to have a baby. We feel like this would be an incredible thing to do for them. But want to get a little info. before we take such a big step. Do you have any advice? - Casey Harris in NC

19. I have talked to several couples. I have always left the door open and tried not to pass judgment on them. Sometimes I get the feeling that we aren't clicking. Yet they still want to pursue an arrangement. One couple wants to send me a contract. How do you delicately tell them that you aren't interested in working with them? There are many reasons. Do I tell them why or just let them know that I am not interested? HELP.... How do you say this and not hurt someone? - Anonymous

20. Due to cancer and a total hysterectomy I am unable to have any more children. I am getting married to a wonderful loving man that is 6 years my junior. He has never had a baby and although he accepts that I can not give him one and stated that we have other options I know he wants a baby that is "his" and at some point ours. Anyways...How do we go about finding a Surrogate mother? I read about the cost but who supplies the medical insurance for the birth etc...Also, where can I locate the laws on this in Massachusetts. - Kimberly in Mass.

21. I am looking for a surrogate in Arkansas. Is there any type of geographic surrogate listing? - Julie

22. My sister has suggested being a surrogate for myself and my husband. She is a single mom with a beautiful little girl. I can't find any info on sisters who are surrogates. I am very excited about this but don't know where to start. We are Canadian and can't seem to find any info. - Michele in Newfoundland, Canada

23. How long did it take you before you found the right person? - Erica

24. I have always wanted to be a gestational surrogate and I am going through the registration process right now through an agency.I have four children of my own, but two years after my first child was born I had a miscarriage early on in the pregnancy. I was told there was nothing wrong with me medically and went on to have three normal, healthy pregnancies and deliveries. The agency I am going through has told me that the miscarriage will not have an effect on my registration to be a surrogate but what I am wondering is whether or not it is going to hurt my chances when it comes to being choosen by a person/persons to be surrogate for them? Does something like a miscarriage play a major role in ones decision in choosing a surrogate? - Michelle R. in CT

25. What questions should I ask a surrogate mother to be? - Anonymous in OK

26. My husband and I need to find a GS and we are not sure the best way to do this. We will also be using and Egg donor as I had a hysterectomy. Our doctor can help us with the donor but not the GS. How did you find one? We do not want to use an agency, and there are not many lawyers in our area who seem to be involved in surrogacy. Also are we being unrealistic to want to find someone within driving distance so we can be at all the appointments and at the birth? - Lena in Odessa, FL

27. I already have children. I am now unable to carry more. We would like to know whether a GS surrogate would consider carrying our next child? We realize it seems selfish (isn't having children always rather selfish)? but we feel so strongly about having more. Do you think most (or any) surrogate would consider it? - Anonymous in NY

28. I would love to become a surrogate mother. How do I find a couple willing to let me be a surrogate and what kind of legal information do I need to know about before hand? - Amanda Allen in TX

29. What are the best ways to find a surrogate independently? - Anonymous in CA

30. I have decided to become a gestational surrogate and am trying to decide between going independent and going with an agency. Can you give the pro's and con's of each and what might be some questions I would want to ask the agency's I'm looking into. - Lynn in Ohio

    CJ - Mom via egg donation and gestational surrogacy


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