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Surrogacy and Egg Donation Q and A


Surrogate Mothers Online Q & A
  • Q & A: Just Starting Out - Surrogacy

    For those just starting down the surrogacy path. Topics may include finding the right match, pros and cons of independent vs. agency, where to start, etc.

    17. I have wanted to be a surrogate mother for around four years now but I'm not exactly sure how to go about it. Any information from any of you would be helpful. How does it feel to give up something you've carried for nine months? (Linda & Lynn) How does it feel for you to not be able to carry your own child? How do you find the couple that you want to help? How do you know if their the right ones? Is it required that you must have one successful pregnancy before you can be a surrogate? Is it required that you are married to become a surrogat? What ages do you have to be between? I have so many questions running through my head. The idea of helping a couple that wants children so badly, being able to give the gift of life to someone else, is an absolutely wonderful and overwhelming idea. Any information, ideas, comments or opinions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much for your time. - El in Spokane WA & Arnold MD - Top

    El,

    First let me refer you to a great list serve
    http://www.surrogacy.com/online_support/sm/smap.html If you go here you can join a list serve for Surrogate Mothers (SMs). You can learn a lot by reading the post and asking the other SMs questions and they always welcome people who want to learn more about becoming a SM. Now to answer your questions:

    1) How does it feel to give up something you've carried for nine months?

    Doesn't apply to me.

    2) How does it feel for you to not be able to carry your own child? It is painful to realize that you can not experience the wonders of your child growing with in you, but that pain is tempered by the knowledge that you CAN still have a child.

    In my case I was fortunate enough to be pregnant and give birth twice before I had my hysterectomy. This allowed me to understand a lot of what my SM was experiencing during the pregnancy and I think it also helped to eliminate any jealousy I I might have otherwise felt.

    3) How do you find the couple that you want to help?

    In our case we were looking for a SM and had many of the same questions as you. We posted an ad on the web and went from there. You could do the same or you could contact an agency.

    4) How do you know if their the right ones? Ask lots of questions, about everything. The more you have in common with your couple and the more alike your ideas about pregnancy, childbirth, and surrogacy the smooother things will be.

    5) Is it required that you must have one successful pregnancy before you can be a surrogate?

    Most agencies require this and most Intended Parents (IPs)prefer this, but not all arrangements require it. This is to help ensure that you you are aware of what you are going to be experiencing and also it is a way of "prooving" your fertility.

    6) Is it required that you are married to become a surrogate?

    Again, most agencies and IPs prefer this but it is less important than the prior pregnancy issue.

    7) What ages do you have to be between?

    For Traditional Surrogacy (TS) the ideal ages are around 18 - 35 because the surrogate's own eggs are being used, but I know of TS SMs as old as 42. For Gestational Surrogacy (GS) age is less important since her eggs are not being used and I have heard of GS SMs as old as 68.

    The answers I have given you are just general and by no means are they written in stone. If you want to be a surrogate join the list I mentioned above. Go to as many web sites as you can find and get as much info as you can from them. Some good ones are TASC, OPTS, and Surrogate Mother's Online. Also check your local public library or a local college library for books on surrogacy. One of the good ones is " A Matter of Trust".

    Hope this helps and good luck.

    Lynn - Updated: January 14, 2000


  • Unless stated otherwise, all responses in the SMO Q&A are courtesy of one or more of the following hosts:
    • Sherry - Experienced gestational surrogate currently working on her 2nd surrogacy arrangement
    • Linda - New Mommy to twins born via gestational surrogacy and egg donation
    • Jennifer S. - Experienced AI surrogate
    • Lynn - New Mommy to a daughter born via traditional surrogacy
    • Tracie - 5 time egg donor (triplets, 2 sets of twins and 2 singletons) and 3 time surrogate (2-AI, 1-IVF).
    • Lisa - Experienced egg donor and previous gestational surrogate currently working on her 2nd surrogacy arrangement (Lisa was our former ED host, prior to July 1999.)
    Disclaimer: Responses from SMO Q&A Hosts do not necessarily represent the opinions and ideas of SMO. Neither the Q&A hosts nor SMO guarantee the accuracy or completeness of any information contained in the responses given here. As such, neither SMO nor the Q&A hosts are responsible for any errors or omissions or for the results obtained from the use of such information. Neither SMO nor the Q&A hosts shall be liable or responsible to any person or entity for any loss or damage caused, or alleged to have been caused, directly or indirectly by the information or ideas contained, suggested, or referenced in these responses.


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