Surrogate Mothers Online Q & A: I have recently offered to be a GS to my sister-in-law and her husband. She makes eggs but cannot get pregnant. My husband and I agree completely that this would be a wonderful thing for all of us. We already have 3 children and have decided that our family is complete. They have 1 adopted child (age 4) and are trying to adopt another. I am 25 and healthy. My sister-in-law is 34 and healthy. Have you heard of any problems with intrafamilial gestation situations? She is still deciding, I'm afraid that she is worrying too much of our motives. We are not only offering to help them, but we loved pregnancy--we just are happy now with our current family size. Do you think this sounds like a good situation? What kind of total costs are we talking to get through this? Do you know how to find my state's law concerning surrogacy? Any other important info I should know?

Please help support this site by visiting our sponsor!

Surrogate Mothers Online Q & A

Q & A: Just Starting Out - Surrogacy

For those just starting down the surrogacy path. Topics may include finding the right match, pros and cons of independent vs. agency, where to start, etc.

25. I have recently offered to be a GS to my sister-in-law and her husband. She makes eggs but cannot get pregnant. My husband and I agree completely that this would be a wonderful thing for all of us. We already have 3 children and have decided that our family is complete. They have 1 adopted child (age 4) and are trying to adopt another. I am 25 and healthy. My sister-in-law is 34 and healthy. Have you heard of any problems with intrafamilial gestation situations? She is still deciding, I'm afraid that she is worrying too much of our motives. We are not only offering to help them, but we loved pregnancy--we just are happy now with our current family size. Do you think this sounds like a good situation? What kind of total costs are we talking to get through this? Do you know how to find my state's law concerning surrogacy? Any other important info I should know? - Anonymous - Top

"Question: I have recently offered to be a GS to my sister-in-law and her husband."

Did your sister-in-law and husband indicate that they had thought about GS at all? Maybe your offer was something they hadn't considered before and they might be unsure of what is involved or it might seem far-fetched to them.

It sounds like you would be a good candidate for surrogacy from your description.

"Have you heard of any problems with intrafamilial gestation situations?"

There should be no physical/medical problems, the only thing I would remember is that hormones run high during pregnancy and even on the intended parent side, emotions run very high. It is a stressful situation for the intended mom since she isn't the one carrying the child and stressful for you because you are carrying someone elses baby. Things that wouldn't have bothered you before are keeping you up at night. It is always helpful to have a mediator or psychologist who is familiar with surrogacy situations be available to all parties involved in case something unforseen arises. Also, everyone (including IPs) should undergo psychological screening to ensure they are good candidates for surrogacy. Most clinics require this screening.

"What kind of total costs are we talking to get through this?"

It depends on if you charge a fee or not, how much IVF (in vitro fertilization) costs at the clinic you go to (average about $10,000), how much your expenses will be (travel, maternity clothes, life insurance, legal
fees, bedrest childcare, etc.)

"Do you know how to find my state's law concerning surrogacy?"

http://www.opts.com/ has a lot of legal information on surrogacy. I believe they list the legal status of surrogacy on a state by state basis.

As for more information, check the articles section of Surrogate Mothers Online.

Best of luck,

Linda P
Mom to GS/donor egg twins

Hello!

First, just drop the idea in your sisters ear, this is a big change and she may need time to think it over. And surrogacy is an emotional and heart felt process.

I would research what you can first and then bring her all the information, maybe after a month and talk about it again with her. BUT don't push. :)

Next, I would contact one of the adoption lawyers in a
big city in Oklahoma, they will be pretty familiar
with surrogacy. Right off the top of my head, you
don't have any laws regarding it. But you need to
seek some legal counsel to protect yourself and your
sister IL.

I would look at the related links here at SMO, and
TASC is an excellent source (www.surrogacy.com).

Good Luck,
Jennifer

Anonymous,

I do not have actual experience with working with a family member but I can tell you that our surrogate and her family are basically part of our family now. I think it is wonderful that you want to help your sister in law and it could be a perfect situation. However, first you need to let your sister in law get comfortable with all of this and come to you. It is sometimes hard for someone suffering from infertility to deal with the fact that others do not have to deal with being infertile. So now that you have offered let them make the next move because if they are not comfortable with it , no matter how good your intentions, things could get really ugly.

If things procede the cost involved will depend on the clinic used, the protocol presribed, and how many transfers it takes to achieve pregnancy. All of these cost should be covered by your in-laws though. It is not unusual for IVF to cost 10,000 per cycle.

You may want to check the TASC web site where they have many of the state's laws posted. You shouldn't have too many problems though because you are family. As for potential problems, make sure you talk, talk, and talk!!!!!! Cover every little possibility you can think of so as to lessen the chance of having any misunderstandings. Perhaps you and you sister in law could join some of list groups for surrogates and IPs so you would have others to talk to.

Hope this helps.
Lynn - Updated: January 14, 2000
For those just starting down the surrogacy path. Topics may include finding the right match, pros and cons of independent vs. agency, where to start, etc.

25. I have recently offered to be a GS to my sister-in-law and her husband. She makes eggs but cannot get pregnant. My husband and I agree completely that this would be a wonderful thing for all of us. We already have 3 children and have decided that our family is complete. They have 1 adopted child (age 4) and are trying to adopt another. I am 25 and healthy. My sister-in-law is 34 and healthy. Have you heard of any problems with intrafamilial gestation situations? She is still deciding, I'm afraid that she is worrying too much of our motives. We are not only offering to help them, but we loved pregnancy--we just are happy now with our current family size. Do you think this sounds like a good situation? What kind of total costs are we talking to get through this? Do you know how to find my state's law concerning surrogacy? Any other important info I should know? - Anonymous - Top: "Question: I have recently offered to be a GS to my sister-in-law and her husband."

Did your sister-in-law and husband indicate that they had thought about GS at all? Maybe your offer was something they hadn't considered before and they might be unsure of what is involved or it might seem far-fetched to them.

It sounds like you would be a good candidate for surrogacy from your description.

"Have you heard of any problems with intrafamilial gestation situations?"

There should be no physical/medical problems, the only thing I would remember is that hormones run high during pregnancy and even on the intended parent side, emotions run very high. It is a stressful situation for the intended mom since she isn't the one carrying the child and stressful for you because you are carrying someone elses baby. Things that wouldn't have bothered you before are keeping you up at night. It is always helpful to have a mediator or psychologist who is familiar with surrogacy situations be available to all parties involved in case something unforseen arises. Also, everyone (including IPs) should undergo psychological screening to ensure they are good candidates for surrogacy. Most clinics require this screening.

"What kind of total costs are we talking to get through this?"

It depends on if you charge a fee or not, how much IVF (in vitro fertilization) costs at the clinic you go to (average about $10,000), how much your expenses will be (travel, maternity clothes, life insurance, legal
fees, bedrest childcare, etc.)

"Do you know how to find my state's law concerning surrogacy?"

http://www.opts.com/ has a lot of legal information on surrogacy. I believe they list the legal status of surrogacy on a state by state basis.

As for more information, check the articles section of Surrogate Mothers Online.

Best of luck,

Linda P
Mom to GS/donor egg twins

Hello!

First, just drop the idea in your sisters ear, this is a big change and she may need time to think it over. And surrogacy is an emotional and heart felt process.

I would research what you can first and then bring her all the information, maybe after a month and talk about it again with her. BUT don't push. :)

Next, I would contact one of the adoption lawyers in a
big city in Oklahoma, they will be pretty familiar
with surrogacy. Right off the top of my head, you
don't have any laws regarding it. But you need to
seek some legal counsel to protect yourself and your
sister IL.

I would look at the related links here at SMO, and
TASC is an excellent source (www.surrogacy.com).

Good Luck,
Jennifer

Anonymous,

I do not have actual experience with working with a family member but I can tell you that our surrogate and her family are basically part of our family now. I think it is wonderful that you want to help your sister in law and it could be a perfect situation. However, first you need to let your sister in law get comfortable with all of this and come to you. It is sometimes hard for someone suffering from infertility to deal with the fact that others do not have to deal with being infertile. So now that you have offered let them make the next move because if they are not comfortable with it , no matter how good your intentions, things could get really ugly.

If things procede the cost involved will depend on the clinic used, the protocol presribed, and how many transfers it takes to achieve pregnancy. All of these cost should be covered by your in-laws though. It is not unusual for IVF to cost 10,000 per cycle.

You may want to check the TASC web site where they have many of the state's laws posted. You shouldn't have too many problems though because you are family. As for potential problems, make sure you talk, talk, and talk!!!!!! Cover every little possibility you can think of so as to lessen the chance of having any misunderstandings. Perhaps you and you sister in law could join some of list groups for surrogates and IPs so you would have others to talk to.

Hope this helps.
Lynn - Updated: January 14, 2000

Unless stated otherwise, all responses in the SMO Q&A are courtesy of one or more of the following hosts:

Sherry - Experienced gestational surrogate currently working on her 2nd surrogacy arrangement

Linda - New Mommy to twins born via gestational surrogacy and egg donation

Jennifer S. - Experienced AI surrogate

Lynn - New Mommy to a daughter born via traditional surrogacy

Tracie - 5 time egg donor (triplets, 2 sets of twins and 2 singletons) and 3 time surrogate (2-AI, 1-IVF).

Lisa - Experienced egg donor and previous gestational surrogate currently working on her 2nd surrogacy arrangement (Lisa was our former ED host, prior to July 1999.)
Disclaimer: Responses from SMO Q&A Hosts do not necessarily represent the opinions and ideas of SMO. Neither the Q&A hosts nor SMO guarantee the accuracy or completeness of any information contained in the responses given here. As such, neither SMO nor the Q&A hosts are responsible for any errors or omissions or for the results obtained from the use of such information. Neither SMO nor the Q&A hosts shall be liable or responsible to any person or entity for any loss or damage caused, or alleged to have been caused, directly or indirectly by the information or ideas contained, suggested, or referenced in these responses.

Q&A Categories | Search Q&A's | Submit A Question | SMO Home Page